Edit: I think passive aggressiveness is an attempt to induce guilt or assert dominance so as to get what you want. It is the manipulative intent that for me, makes something passive aggressive. The complicated part for me is learning, in difficult situations, how to make the other party see your point of view without using passive aggressive behaviour.
Completely agree with this. And you know what.. I come up with LOADS of PA ideas LOL. but I tend not to carry them out. Such as making DH late for his train tomorrow.. I know I won't do it.. cos it's mean and doesn't help anything.

So I actually have a lot of PA thinking.. sometimes it spills out, as I said before, but generally they are just *****y thoughts in my head that I wouldn't really carry out. It is hard to come up with solutions for some things that don't rely on some sort of PA behaviour, especially as it seems pretty much anything we do to make our point is seen as PA. I mean really.. i DO want DH to change and pick up his socks and be on time.. so I'm trying to get him to do what I want... doesn't matter how polite I make the conversation, the end result is I want him to do what I want.. so that's nothing short of PA lol.