Liz as I said earlier there are many many personality disorders/behaviours PA is just one. It is often not conscious so therefore is a "usual" reaction to situations for that particular person...
However, leaving clothes on the floor as you say can just be what he does. Frustrating for someone like myself who likes everything put away! But not necessarily PA.

I personally would challenge that any manipulative behaviour to secure the outcome you want could be PA... Aggression is forcefully getting your own way. To do so passively one does it cloaked... Or like others have said the sigh "I just won't bother trying to help next time you obviously don't appreciate it"... It's having a verbal tanty. Leaving clothes on the floor can just be a habit. Not done to manipulate. My ex husband would do things that I had clearly communicated bugged me just to get a reaction. So, for me it bugs me to not make the bed. That's my problem so I was always the one to make it. But he would make comments to other people that "miss hospital corners has to have the bed made"... It's a dig about an idiosyncracy that I fully accept is wierd to some - but for me it's me and I am happy to take care of the bed making...

So the above example is PA... If I was to react with a sulk or slam the door and walk out when he said it... Or reply with: "shall we talk of some of your wierd habits"? To me I would be retaliating with a PA response. Thus, I believe feeding it.

If I was to reply with: "yes, it is important to me to make the bed & that's why I am happy to do it"... It is stating it as it is - not using emotions or words or intonation to manipulate.

That's just my take.

Berenice: It sounds like you've had a difficult situation to deal with. Personally I would explore what you want to acheive from writing the letter/email? What is your goal?

Often the need to write to someone is a need to be heard, be right or to seek an acknowledgement. This is very rarely gained from someone who is using manipulative techniques to get what they want.

I think that what you've written is important for you (I totally get what you are saying & where you're coming from - most of us have had similar experiences through life) - and maybe it's a letter you write and offer up to the ether/God/Goddess/Universe... Or maybe you will decide to send it. However, I would if it were me be careful to analyse anothers perceived faults... I think it is likely to be taken in a less than favourable light. It's a fairly thick skinned person that can hear such a straight forward analysis of what their faults are...

Just my 5c!