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Thread: Why is it we blame the community and not the people or better yet ourselves?

  1. #127

    Join Date
    Nov 2007


    I know ideally it's best to contact the authorities or local helplines, but in general a person will seek out their community first. One of the private groups I'm a member of on here has a Support Buddy system - a sticky post that the regulars are on, so if you are worried about a particular member you just look at this sticky, and find out who has their number. Then you can contact that member, and they will check on the person. This has been absolutely fantastic just from my experience, rather than putting a message in the messages forum that they probably won't see, you can get some help to do something proactively. I'm not in regular contact with the girls over here, and there are other members who are overseas or in rural areas where they don't have another member just around the corner, so exchanging numbers or email address has been very helpful.

  2. #128

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Igglepiggle Land


    I always look inward at myself if something is bothering me...

    I ask myself questions like:
    "why is this bothering me"
    "why am I allowing it to bother me"
    "what can I do to not be concerned about the problem / issue"

    However I do know someone IRL who instantly goes on the attack if someone has an opinion oppositer her's - and overall she is a negative person about 70% of the time I've been in her presence.

    If all else fails I like to take frustration out at the gym / or with exercise at home .

  3. #129

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Rural NSW


    This thread reminds me of a quote that I first heard while watching the movie How To make An American Quilt.

    "Young lovers seek perfection. Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together and of seeing beauty in a multiplicity of patches."

    Especially when the carpet analogy arose! Carpet stains; As i get older I am learning that there is a blessed freedom in learning to live with them ("Give me the strength to change what i can and accept what i can't" etc). I don't expect perfection from BB or from much at all really. Mistakes (or stains) are the things that make us better or highlight a better way. You can choose to let a stain make you feel uncomfortable or you can choose to see it as a motivator. Problems arise when people either don't realise they have a choice or forget it.

    I love how BB has taught me to choose and be discerning in so many aspects of life.

    Yes i have been tactless while posting and i think i was also told about 3 or 4 years ago that i was about to be put on somebodies "ignore" list because i said that strawberry jam on white bread was not a healthy lunch option on a daily basis... and this upset a member. You never can tell what is going to push a button can you? . so despite having my "moments" in BB i have never blamed it as a community. Never-the-less i DO see where Rouge is coming from and her motivation for starting this thread... it's something worth raising indeed. I though tend to function along the lines of Liz and could never have an ignore list... BUT i see the value in them and every time i say 'never' I end up doing it because that's what the universe seems to constantly do to me; make me eat my words!!! LOL

    Ok... so back to the OT. I suspect that, generally speaking, new-ER members stumble across BB... make it the centre of their universe... and then sometimes want it to be perfect. (Refer to quilt quote again). Maybe it takes a few years to settle down and see the cycles of scandal, outrage, olive stick, group-hugs that have and always will exist here in BB and then accept the patches (stains) as something worthwhile?

    I also just want to mention that Arcadia, i thought, made a good point. If you wait for somebody to ask you personally to share your insight you could end up never actually sharing it. The onus is always on you here in BB to post tactfully (it's in the guidelines) and if you are mindful of the area of the forum you are posting in you should avoid most of the problems associated with judgement. Is it stating the obvious that you shouldn't post uniformly in all areas of BB? I recall the c-section thread Misty was referring to but not the section... the problem could have lay in the area of BB that the member chose to post in? It's an important detail. A link to further information, i don't think, should really be construed as harsh judgement though.

    The BB community has and hasn't changed. For me it's a real community because i have met too many members to keep track of (especially with UserName changes) and i have made many deep connections with people. I don't percieve much cliquey-ness within BB because like another member has suggected that implied exclusivity... If members are so keen to exclude then i find that they often go off and try to form their own forum (which from my experience generally fails because it's the 'live by the sword die by the sword' concept... people who need to bolster their security by excluding others will keep doing it until nothing exists anymore ie the group that re-forms will breakdown again and again because the members haven't the skills to be inclusive. Despite BB having a focus on natural and gentle parenting i still believe the administrators and creator DO have skills of inclusiveness which is why BB just continues to grow. The key is to post in the right areas of the forum for YOU.
    Last edited by Bathsheba; October 13th, 2010 at 01:05 PM.

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