PCOS - what is your story?

[megs11]

Hey Cessie,
I am a nurse and the idea of drilling any part of myself puts my teeth on edge!!!!! It takes a lot to gross me out but that would!! I guess it was all worth it in the end!! Do you consider your lost babies still your babies? Does that make sense???? How old are your children and what do you have? I have two boys


Bring on the Doula questions!!! See what I know or don't know!!???

Young Belinda where are you????

Talk to you both soon

Meagan

[megs11]

Wow, not sure what I did there?????

[Lynn]

Hi Belinda and Meagan,

Sorry I have been MIA for a while. Have been struggling a bit lately with all the emotions...........being pg and feeling guilty to Cooper then feeling guilty to this bub for always thinking of Cooper..........vicious cycle! Anyway I have read up on your posts and hopefully I don't miss anything out!

Belinda - it is a little milestone to get to 20 weeks but my god has it taken ages!!!!! I think this is going to be the longest pg ever! I have had my 20 week scan and everything is looking fine so far. Yes I know what I am having but it is a secret. We needed to find out to prepare ourselves and to know what we were carrying so we could name it and feel close to it. It is hard not to be close to something when it is growing inside but I just felt like I need to know what it was. So yes it does have a name but that is a secret too. We named it *Hope* (for obvious reasons) at the beginning and that is what we are sticking to because we still hope that it gets to come home.

Meagan - it is so hard deciding when to have another baby. For me I have had a dream to be a mum for a long time so that is what keeps me going. Your 'butterflies' should be acknowledged. Like you said, they are your babies.........just because they aren't here doesn't mean they aren't loved or thought of. Thanks for sharing your story about your angels

It is interesting listening to you guys talking about being doula. I too have thought about being a support person to someone like me. Someone who was pg with their subsequent pg after a stillbirth. Obviously it is too soon for me now as I am not in the right frame of mind but it is something that I have thought about doing. I guess because I have thought about having someone with me that would understand the fears and 'crazy' thoughts.

I did acupuncture when I was trying to fall pg. I was trying everything! Who knows what worked but with the FSH injection, IUI and acupuncture it all worked! I think you have to believe in it to make it happen. The needles didn't hurt me either. My acupuncturist even told me to come back if I had bad m/s or pains during the pg because he said he could fix it............interesting. I wanted to try the herbs but my ob suggested not to mix them and my other meds so I didn't try them.

Im at day 20 or something in my cycle and still haven't ovulated... My typical time for O is around day 30ish, and I think that is just too late to produce a viable egg....

Belinda - I thought that too and asked my FS about it. He said that some people do ovulate late and that the egg is still ok. For this pg I ovulated CD28.

Oh you two are old!! LOL!!! I know the feeling though. I tell everyone how old I feel and they just look at me with a weird look - but I do feel old. Especially since we have been trying for 4 years. I feel old inside - is that what you guys feel?

Cessie - love your comment about your chin hair. Sorry to hear about your angels

[megs11]

Oh Lynn, I read your post with tears streaming down my face!!

I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. It must be very confusing to try and be happy, hopeful and excited about this little one, whilst having difficult memories, guilt about the way you are feeling and fear about what happened to Cooper, also mixing in love that you have for your little boy.

I think (know) honey, that you will always love your little man, I don't know what happened or why he was unable to stay with you, nothing I can say can ever ease that, but I think he would be happy for you and DH and probably excited about being a big brother and would never want you to feel bad about anything. I am sure he is around you, wishing you all to be happy, i can only wish this for you too.

Cooper was loved, he was real, he is your baby and he will always be your little boy and your first born child. Nothing and no one can ever take that away.

You will always have a place for Cooper in your heart and he will always have a piece of your heart with him, so you will be a part of each other forever.

Sending you HEAPS of big hugs, if you ever need to 'talk', we are here

xxxxxxxxx

[cessie]

Yes Meagan I do feel my angels are my babies but they were sent to me so they could look after my earth babies, I have three very special teddy bears at home that I got when I lost each of the babies. I "know" my first baby was a boy, even though it was to early to tell. I have a 5 yr old boy going on 6 in Jan, and my girl is 3 1/2 going on 30 , phew she was sent to test me!!
Lyn I have my fingers crossed for you, I know not what your are going thru, as I never got as far as you , so I hope with all hope that Hope arrives safely screaming into your arms. I have a very good freind who lost her little girl at 34 weeks and is currently 21 weeks into her next pg, it has been a hell of a ride for all of us. I send you my very best wishes.

[cessie]

Oh meagan i wish I was able to respond to Lyn as you did, that was beautiful!!

[Lynn]

Thank you so much Meagan Your words are so touching and heartfelt. Deep down I know everything you said is true it is just working through those surface emotions..............I will get there. We lost Cooper because of a cord accident. He was born with the cord around his neck twice. Just a tragic accident but still very hard to understand why and how.

Thank you for your words Cessie

Thanks guys :hugs:

[Lynn]

Sorry guys don't mean to hog this thread...............................I know it is here to talk about PCOS, but thank you for your kind words. It means alot

[megs11]

I don't know if you will ever fully understand why or how, but I hope one day acceptance may come a little easier, it was so recent it is going to naturally take time.

And yes you will get there, you have Hope on the way, all will be well.

Please feel free to hog the forum all you like, we can talk about stupid ovaries anytime you like!!!

I noticed that Cooper was born on the 28th November, I lost the butterflies on the 27th November last year. hmmmmmmm.

Cessie - Thanks you are sweet

Meagan

[belmarks]

Oh Lynn, I can only sympathise and will never fully understand what you are going through or how you must feel. I think Meg summed it up quite well in her reply. Just know that we are here if you ever need to talk about anything, any of your feelings at all xxooxxoo

I don't care if we don't always talk about PCOS, we're here to support each other through anything, it just so happens that we have a common link with the PCOS....

Thanks for the encouragement re the late ovulation Lynn, it feels better to know that it can happen late, there is no set rule for everyone!!

Cessie - drilling!! eee gads!! It sounds painful!! At least it worked. I have read about it ages ago but don't know much about it...

Megs, how did you go with the boat trailer??? I have no suggestions when it comes to the DH saying "if it happens, it happens" they are so pathetic, never able to make a solid committed decision!! Its like they never want to be held accountable for something. Weirdos!! Eww to men fathering in their 90's, but I know its true, its just sick though!! Why do we have to go through all the rubbish of periods, puberty, then menopause to top it all off. And for us, along the way is fraught with days and months of crappiness to boot!! Ahh, being a woman is wonderful. Although, I wouldn't swap being pregnant and having a baby for the world so I guess we get the better end of the stick really. They will never know how magical it is to carry a bub and care for it etc...

Im reading your story of the twins and it is quite alarming really, to think that that is how easy it can happen. I know there have been plenty of times that I have had a "feeling" that I might be early stages, and then I've dismissed it and taken some ibuprofen or similar, and then a get AF a bit later than my charts have predicted. So who knows...

But it just goes to show how we as PCOS women can brush our feelings aside because we seem to not have "normal" feelings about how our bodies should function.

Im really sorry that happened to you Megs, its just awful. xx hugs xx

Well girls, I am DETERMINED that this is going to be the cycle that I fall pg on. I have a lunar ovulation day coming up and I am thinking its around the time in my cycle that I normally O so Im crossing fingers and uncrossing legs buaahh haaa haa!

How are you all this fine long weekend anyway?

[belmarks]

Yes forgot to mention that Im at cycle day 25 today and STILL no O.

Just so that I get my bit about PCOS in there.

Stupid syndrome!!

(thanks for that saying Meg!!)

[Lynn]

Thanks Belinda

Sorry if I have missed something but are you monitoring your cycle with opks or anything? It sounds so promising for you this month and I have everything crossed for you! But you keep those legs uncrossed! LOL!!! It is so frustrating having a long cycle isn't it - I mean you are CD25 and no O yet most women are coming up to the time of finding out if they are pg or not......................the waiting - it sucks! Well I hope this is the last time you wait for O (well for a while anyway). I know for me it was encouraging to hear that other people O late. I always thought that if you O'd late then the egg was bad but that isn't the case.

Meagan - I hope that my big boy is looking after your little butterflies for you we lost them so close together.

[belmarks]

Hi Lynn, just charting. I have OPK's but I find that I waste so many of them because I never know when Im ovulating, and with an extended cycle, I could go through 30 in a month if I wasn't careful. Just monitoring fertility through charting and CM.

Yes these long cycles are just ridiculous. I must say that I find that to be the most annoying part of PCOS, the irregularity of your cycle. You never know where you are from one day to the next.

Please I just wish someone would find a cure for this stupid syndrome!!!

How are you all going?

[megs11]

Hi Girls!!

How are you all? Long time no chat!! Had a nice time down the coast, it was so windy it was like trying to put a tent up in a cyclone, and praying it stayed there, got the stupid boat registered!!!!! The boat makes me mad, DH gets all cranky and we usually have words, this time he was asking me to start it (it has key start) and I was and he is getting cranky saying "when your ready?!?" Stupid battery was flat!!! not my fault!!! Then he tells me to drive it forward while he drops the engine into the water, well I get yelled at cause I don't do it fast enough!!!! Next time I am just going to go full throttle and laugh when he falls out the back of the boat!!heh heh heh!!!:nana: What is it about men and things with engines that turns them into PIGS??????? But otherwise it was good!!

Lynn - how are you feeling? How are things coming along with Hope? I am thinking of you and hope you are starting to enjoy this pregnancy a bit more.

Belinda - how are those eggs coming along? It would cost a fortune to try and do the OPK all the time, how far apart is AF? Mine is 4-5 months, so I think it would be impossible!!! Fingers crossed that you have a gorgeuous egg floating down you tube right now, ready to be fertilized!!

Here is a question for you... If you ovulate and the egg is not fertilized is it then a couple of weeks later you get a period? Is my body just hanging around doing NOTHING for around four months, then suddenly popping out an egg? Hmmm....... My perfectly stupid ovaries are awfully lazy!!

I must admit that not knowing I was preg with the twins has left me a little paranoid now, I test about every 6 weeks or so, just to be sure to be sure, if is ever came up positive I think I would have a heart attack!!

Another question... Have you been treated by a gynae for your PCOS?

Mwah girls hope you are all well!!!

Meagan

[belmarks]

Hi Meagan, Still no O yet, Im at cycle day 32 today, Im becoming really frustrated and wondering whether having any more children is worth going through this rubbish each month. I am spending a fortune on herbalist and acupuncture and its still not bringing my cycle in to line. I am getting really frustrated. About once a month I end up like this and once I even marched into my gynae and told him I wanted a hysterectomy. Im just so over it. I mean I should be in the midst of a period - if I were "normal"...

Yeah when you ovulate you get a period usually anywhere from 14 days (or more if you have a long luteal phase). If you don't O, thats why you don't get a period. So yes, your body is just doing its thing for ages then suddenly one of your many follicles that have been maturing (along with the 20 others) gets too big for the ovary and will usually spontaneously O. They say that when this type of O happens, the eggs aren't viable anyway, and sometimes you just get a period because your lining is so built up it has no alternative but to shed.

The thing that worries me the most is that this is an oestrogen dominant thing, so we are at an increased risk of breast cancer....

Im so over feeling this way. I just wish I were normal for a change and things just happened when they are supposed to.

Sorry girls, just having a crappy time with it atm...

[megs11]

OOhhhh Belinda!!! Big Hugs sweetie!!!!

I am sorry you are feeling so down at the moment. I was just thinking to day about wanting more children, do I really want to go through all the stuff you girls are? It is highly unlikely it will happen easily.

I don't know that much about TTC whilst having PCOS, I was not anything like I am now when I got pregnant with my boys. What are the odds of falling pregnant if you are only ovulating every five months or so? I wouldn't have a clue about my cycle, I couldn't tell you really when I ovulate. Imagine how hopeless I would be?

Stupid question please forgive me, but I guess you have tried medication to induce ovulation ie clomid or something? Sorry like I said I don't know much about TTC with stupid ovaries!!!! Does that work?

It is awful that you are feeling so bad at the moment!! How long is your cycle normally? Or does it vary?

You did mention that you thought your acupuncture and things were helping, how long have you been using it? Maybe it will just take some more time? I think it is natural to feel so frustrated and hard done by, it sucks that your body is dictating what is happening, it seems so easy just to decide to have another baby..... but it is something I think women take for granted, when the reality hits that it isn't always that easy it is a slap in the face. You already feel crap, you put on weight, skin is awful and you can grow a better beard than your hubby!!!!! What more can it take from us? You feel as though you are failing as a woman in one of the most basic principles our body should know how to do!! I do understand your frustration and anger with this stupid syndrome, makes you want to scream...... in saying all that, you have beaten it once and have your beautiful boy, so whose to say you can't do it again?

I hope you are feeling a little better today, I hope your lazy ovaries suddenly decide to have a work out and do what they are there to do. I know it is easy to say, try to relax, more stress makes it harder to ovulate (I know easier said than done) try some positive thinking and visualization "I am going to ovulate some kick @rse healthy eggs" and imagine the little suckers jumping out like popcorn!! Well that is what I will wish for you this fine evening.

I am always here if you want to chat.

Take care,

Meagan

[Bathsheba]

Hi Belinda I've just found this thread and have had a very quick read through. I have only got a relatively mild case of PCOS. It was only discovered when i was pregnant with my second child during an ultrasound. The only symptom I have is a little excessive hair growth but I've found that since having my third child that has started to settle down. Fortunately i have always had regular periods and never had any problems conceiving. Weird how it affect different women.

I just wanted to say that you have inspired me to try acupuncture though because I do have mood swings and some unsettled nights that I never put down to PCOS but it could be the reason....worth giving it a go! Anyhow I just wanted to say that this is a wonderfully supportive thread and I'm sure many women will benefit from all the info to be found here Well done.

[Lynn]

Hey girls,

Belinda - I am sorry that you are feeling down at the moment. It is such an emotional rollercoaster isn't it? Just a thought - have you tried being monitored for a cycle. After we had Cooper I did cycles on my own using Clomid and I didn't think I was ovulating. I then went to a FS who kept me on Clomid but monitored me with ultrasounds and blood test. I got to CD36 with no ovulation and he said that my body is not responding to Clomid (this is how we fell pg with Cooper). Perhaps you could get monitored so at least you know when and if you are ovulating. The cycle monitoring was $150 and it included all bt and u/s. While it wasn't the cycle that worked for me at least it showed that I wasn't ovulating with Clomid and I could try something else. I'm not sure if you are on Clomid but perhaps this is what you need to help........just a thought. OPK's can get expensive and frustrating especially when you have such long cycles so maybe u/s and bt could be the way to go for you.

Meagan - sounds like you had a nice time down the coast - MEN!!! LOL!!! Can't live with them, can't live without them!