BIL got married 3 months ago and we found out today!

[Jennifer13]

Well, yet again DP's family beggars belief...

My DP and his brother hadn't spoken for almost three years up until Xmas time last year. They'd had a big fight over things my MIL had said to my BIL about us (and she was causing no end of troubles herself and didn't speak to us for nearly 6 mths, whole other topic there ). Seriously DP's family are so dysfunctional it makes my tortured childhood look relatively stable. My MIL has been playing DP and his brother off against each other since they were children.

We found out from MIL late last year that BIL and his girlfriend had gotten engaged on a holiday to Paris. It took her a couple of months to let it out in casual conversation, which I thought was a bit weird at the time. So I bugged and bugged DP to try to rebuild things with his brother since I thought this was a sign they may be settling down to have a family and I wanted DD to get to know her extended family. (Background again: DP and BIL never really knew their own cousins and aunts and uncles due to my MIL constantly falling out with them, totally the opposite from the large extended family I have and love. Don't want this repeated for our children).

When DP spoke to his Dad at Xmas time (which is about the only time he does speak to him - didn't I tell you they were dysfunctional!!) my FIL tells him that my SIL-to-be is pregnant. We were delighted, and finally I get some results from my pestering that translate into action. DP calls BIL, they behave like they spoke last month and nothing else is mentioned. Fine, if that's how they want to do it, it's better than screaming and shouting!

So I invited BIL and SIL to DD's birthday party in March. They came, present in hand, spent some time with us after everyone left, we offered them Lucy's old baby goods to lend.

SIL came over a few weeks before we moved after I called her and asked her if she'd like to pick stuff up (before we packed it away to move). We gave her HEAPS of stuff, pram, rocker, breast pump, playmat, change mat, etc, etc.

I then went over with DD after we moved a few weeks ago for morning tea and to take her a funky thingy where you can listen to the babies heartbeat, plus a seat insert I had found. I asked DP if it would be okay if I built a relationship with SIL separately to whatever goes on (or not) between he and BIL and MIL. He's okay with that, so that's the path I'm taking.

Fast forward to today: we go over to pick up some old wood from MIL's house that she wants to get rid of. Some time during the conversation she tells us that BIL and SIL got married back in April at the registry office, because they wanted their child to "be a real [DP's surname]". Now once I let go of my initial *****liness at her stupid comment (which she tried to backtrack from) I couldn't believe it. They got married three months ago and we find out from MIL today!!!! Apparently they want to have a thing in January next year to celebrate and they didn't even go out for dinner or anything, but still. They went on honeymoon to NZ to have something of a celebration with her family, so it wasn't totally hush-hush or anything. And goodness knows how many people MIL has told before us (she probably went along FFS, but I didn't want to continue the conversation with her when we are trying to keep that relationship separate from this).

I'm still flabbergasted... But, I've told DP we should absolutely take the moral high ground. I'm going to ring SIL and invite them for dinner to celebrate and we will buy them a gift. Open one of our 'keeper' bottles of champagne and make a night of it. DP is a bit hurt his own brother didn't tell him, when we had really offered a big olive branch and things had been at least civil. I'll call SIL next week, now she's on mat leave and we'll book it in.

Can you believe it though?? You'd think by now I'd be used to the craziness that is DP's family, but it just goes to show there can still be new depths.