I have been meaning to post! The weekend with my mum was really good! Knowing what I do now I can see when to pull back and know that I'm pushing the proverbial up a steep incline...just to avoid the quagmire that usually follows. It was very liberating to know she wasn't picking on me or deliberately taking a swipe at me. My dad's another story - he's not a narcissist, he's got depression, and lost his plot when I insisted on pruning the trees in their beautiful garden that needed it. He went on about how I didn't know the theory behind pruning and shouldn't be touching the trees yaddiyaddah. So, he withdrew into his shell, bringing on a bout of "this is why..." from my mum, but I knew it wasn't about me, and not even really about him (or else she'd have noticed him spiralling). There's more relevant detail to the weekend but I won't go into it until there's a PSG.
So, having gone to the DONM site and looked around their forum, I was a bit nervous driving up about what I would do with this epiphany, but it was really, really useful and we can probably have one of those better-functioning relationships.
My questions now relate to how I guide the kids through these waters. DS had some questions that I semi-addressed and then changed the subject for. A bit too young at 5yo to explain about NPD! And I did my best to describe depression for him, to explain why his grandfather had gone all silent on us. My dad's depression and predisposition to depression have definitely enabled my mum over the years.
Would love to know how the PSG discussions go!
TMS - please report