My mum is 4 years younger than her brother and 6 years younger than her sister. She was much closer to her brother growing up but more a personality type than anything else she is prety close to them both now.
As Ray ray says , i think its more to do with personalities than age gaps.
I do completley understand where you are coming from though, as i have a 6 yr gap between mine.
Why?
Because like you, i wanted to study, and when I weighed it up I figured it would be easier to manage study and family life with one child rather than 2.
I wanted my kids close together too, but I also didnt want to wait 10 -15 years for my babies to be old enough for me to study. It was brilliant doing my degree (in my 30s too), and a challenge, but im so glad i have done it.
My kids adore each other, but I still feel bad that my eldest was an only for 6 years and even now gets lonely, as the youngest is too young to join in the games he wants to do etc. As tough as that side of it is I am so pleased to have done the study, it was so good to be learning new stuff and mixing with other people outside of my usual circle.
As good as it has been to do that study though, the downside is that with the age/clock ticking thing, I had another baby straight after graduating, and now have to wait a few more years until I can get working and using my qualification.
I made sure I had the support set up in place to be able to do it, but even with that same support I dont think I could have coped doing it with 2 kids. I still was not able to do as much in some study as I wanted, cause I had to go pick up at daycare etc rather than going to the library for research etc.
i don't think 5-6 years is such a big age gap. My kids have 5 years between them and they play along just fine.
I have 10 years between my brother and me. He is older. 10 years is too much as we have nothing in common. We never even fought as kids, he got married real young at 22 whilst i was 12, so i was like an only child.
My brother and I are 18 months apart. My sisters are about the same. There is 6-8 years between me and my sisters.
It's not the gaps that create the problems, but the lack of family. Create the environment where everyone is included in the family unit, even when grown up. Reinforce it whenever you can and however.
My partner tells me time and time again how unique that we are all great mates and a very bounded family. It's not unachievable.
As for the family or Uni decision, it's what is right for you, selfish isn't apart of it. I guess worrying about being an older dad can be concerning, but hey I'm going to be first timer at 40 so it can't be all that bad!
Midwifery isn't a game and having to chance to focus your abilities on your studies is paramount. So perhaps letting that dream come to fruition will also give you the life skills to help juggle a precious addition once you qualify!
I agree with TD ... i have a sister 9years older and even to this day she still treats me like i'm soooo much younger than her. We were never parallel on any of our roads in life ... eg, when i was in school she was in the workforce, when she was married i just started to date boyfriends ...when she had a mortgage i was renting ... when she had her 1st baby i was in a serious relationship ... when her son almost started secondary school i just had my 1st baby ... it goes on & on.
Only things we did about the same time was she got her drivers license when she was older & i younger ... and she travelled overseas for the 1st time in her 30's & i did younger in my 20's.
But i must admit our personalities are very different to each other ... and not much common interests ... so that probably wouldn't help in a very big way either and when i think of it probably is the main factor as to why we don't get along more over than an actual 9year age gap
My first three boys are 12,10 and 7 so relatively close in ages. We then decided to have Scout who is 6 years younger than my last and I have definately noticed the age gap.
It is not so much with the 7yr old at the moment but give it a few years when he is hitting the pre teen stage and Scout is about 4, wanting someone to play with its not going to happen.
My older two boys only have short stints of playing with him now so this is how I know what I have to look forward too.
Suckers for punishment though we decided to give Scout his own play mate. While I love having him home by himself during the day while the others are at school I dont think he is all that bothered by it, as he is so excited when his brothers get home.
It is harder when they are closer together but in our case I prefer it I think.
There is 8 years between my bro and I (he is 17) and we are really close...
The only time you really notice the difference is when the older one is a teenager and the younger wants them to do "kid" stuff....
I have a gap between my 1st (DD) and 2nd (DS) of 9 years for similar reasons to you: wanted to complete a degree. The gap wasn't a problem, infact it was good in lots of ways... but I dealt with it by having a third soon after my 2nd... another DS.
These days I believe that I couldn't have planned it any better if I had tried! DD was a whoopsie baby when I was 24. She had me to herself for 9 years and then she was actually quite keen to "share" me with babies... they were like living dolls to her! Now she is nearly 15 she is very helpful. I really need her help too as I don't have much extended family for support. She isn't being treated like Cinderella LOL but she happily will babysit for us occasionally (after the boys are asleep) DH and I have recently felt ok about ducking out to a nearby cafe for coffee and cake.
My DH has an even bigger gap of 10 years between him and his brothers... and these days they are great mates. As time passes the gap seems less and less.... from my experience. He is closer to his older brothers than he ever was to his younger sister (2 year gap). But yes, this could be personalities more than anything.
ETA: on a practical level it is really good to have a child old enough to be helpful especially when you are BFing a newborn and the phone rings etc... and I have found that the rivalry between my 1st and 2nd is non existent... unlike between the two boys.
Last edited by Bathsheba; August 19th, 2009 at 11:26 PM.
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