My mum died 11 years ago now. 11 years! I can't believe it's been that long since I saw her or talked to her. I was very raw and grieved hard for the first few years then the pain slowly dimmed. I'm really glad my H got to meet my mum- it helps feel like her memory in our family is real, and isn't just mine or my imagination. I have wonderful sisters who are my world and I can talk to them about any memory if I want and that helps. My older sister has been my pregnancy & parenting confidant.

When I had a HB last year I thought of my mum lots as she HBed my little sister and I always planned to do the same. I felt drawn to my MW largely because she reminded me of my mum so it was comforting to have her there.

I often wonder what type of grandmother my mum would have been. She always made christmas, easter and birthdays SO exciting for us- I want to pass that on to my children.

We had a lot of issues and mostly fought before my mum died. I wish she could have told me she was struggling so much. My mum suicided.