It is to much to ask ? Re: Child Access

[XRMummy]

We live in a small town and live within 10 mins of each other so we are pretty close... we organially wanted one wek with us and one week with her but everyone we have spoken to has told us they court wouldnt allow it as he is still young maybe try it later on down the track.... The mediaitor we saw back in march said frequent visits was the best for DSS so that is why we have gone the w/e with a over night stay each week.... as for the hols we dont get to take DSS away on holidays as we dont have enough time with him (we live 4 hours from Adelaide and 6 hours from melb ) so it would be nice to be able to go away on a family holiday and be bale to have DSS to join us so it can be a proper family hol IYKWIM?

[Lulu]

It sounds to me like she is trying to tire you out........

what a biatch

[XRMummy]

Yeah i can think of alot nicer words for her LOL IYKWIM????
she can try and tire us out but aint gunna work we are trying to do the right thing by DSS as he is asking us for more sleepovers and so on and she is just trying to make it very very hard
But we have told our solicitor that we wont stop till we get what we feel DSS needs...
Our solicitor has told us it could be very costly around 10 grand but we dont care coz it means DSS will get what he needs/wants... We actually got a letter today from our solcitior saying we start court proceedings on the 11th of this month WAAHOOOOO
we know and so does the solicitor that nothing will be done on that day and taht we will no doubt end up in front of the magistrate and have councilors and so on for both partys
She doesnt have a good record with the court here she was found guilty of insurence fraud last year and den tried to pull a AVO out on DP over an lil disagreement they had (family fotos) and got caught lying under oath and was fined and it was her father that got her found out as he told the truth on the subject and she lied fair so to say she didnt get the AVO she wanted
So hopefully court will be on our side but you never know

[XRMummy]

Well Dp Ex wife has said now that DSS is struggling with the current arrangements (36hr p/fortnight) and also with kinder and this is why she is refusing any extra time with US.... this is the first we have heard of any struggles and the week before we went to court she sent us a letter stating that DSS wasnt making any friends at kinder but he was goin great but now she's saying he is streuggling with things in hsi life and has been for the last 12 months... (see this is the sort of crap we have to contend with SHe tells us nothing) we think she is just tryin to get us to stop asking for more time but our solicitor has adjourned the hearing and has transfered it to the FMC so we can get a family report done and see how DSS is going with things (coz we dont believe a word Ex wife is saying) and due to the Ex not allowing us to have any info from kinder We have arranged a meeting with DSS teacher thro our solivcitor so we will get some answers there too

Anyway just wanted to up date some of you and see wat everyone has has to say on the times we have put forward

[Lulu]

Look lots his happening in the little fellas life - all these new brothers and sisters (!), but it doesn't mean reducing visitation with his dad would help!

I think its great its gone to mediation, she will get less of a say and prove herself to be a bitach....they dont like that very much!

Good Luck with it all xoxoxoxoxox

[paradise lost]

What was visitation like before you and your kids came along?

A lot of how she is behaving is going to be about how they broke up and how it was after, kwim?

A good bit of it might also be about parenting styles and differences.

From my POV, up until recently XP treated caring for DD as a favour for me, rather than time with his kid. Recently a job change has actually made him more excited to have her, even though he actually sees her less. I'm going cautious with it all right now. His style is far more relaxed than mine and to be frank she comes back from him a brat half the time. I know he loves her and cares for her and i'd never stop him seeing her or having overnight visits (he has her overnight once a week, he doesn't want more, i think he's opt out of that some of the time if he could as he finds her hard work) but when it comes to care *I* am her main carer, as far as she's concerned the buck stops with me. Up until now *I* am the one who researches and implements parenting techniques, *I* am the one who takes her to the doctor when she's ill, *I* am the one who arranges her day to day like. He doesn't even go to the supermarket if he has her in his care. From my POV, if he got a new partner and they suddenly wanted her over all the time and wanted more and more time with her, it wouldn't fly. I'd feel like he couldn't be bothered when it was just him, but now he has a partner he wants to play happy families with MY kid. And i'd be concerned that that was a finite situation and ultimately once he'd had his fill/got bored/broke up with her he'd drop DD again. I'm not suggesting this is your situation, it's just how i'd feel. (XP is not like that so i know this would never happen)

How much access does your oldest have with her dad? Would you have been willing for your DD to be off with your ex and his new wife for that much time when she was 3.5? I know it's tough and it feels like she's trying to hurt you two but try to remember that she's a mother, and he's her son, and she's not going to feel all that differently to how you would when it comes to visitation and time away from her child. No matter what happened it cannot have been more than 50% her fault that the marriage broke up - it takes 2, no ifs or buts. People generally don't have affairs outside of their perfect, fulfilling, happy marriage, there will have been other problems leading to that.

So, that's my POV. I ABSOLUTELY think you should continue to try to have as much access as possible, and even (if you can all be pleasant) have "Big" family time, with ALL of you, 4 adults and 4 kids, but maybe just try super hard to understand her. It's only with understanding you can all reach a peaceful place for DSD to grow up.

Bx

[XRMummy]

Hi hoobly
Thanks for your reply... DP and i got together not long after they split (we had been together back in 99 and lost contact when he got with his EX Wife) We got back in contact with each ther thro a friend 8 months before they had split and she assumed we were having a FLING even tho i lived 600km away at the time and hadnt seen him for 4 years.. So she decided she would go and sleep with her cousins husband / DP best mate....... anyway wayyyy off topic..

SO access before i came along was when ever DP wanted which he had him a 3 nights a week and when we got together it was still like that for a couple of months till she wanted DP to pay for her $2000 mobile fone bill and said dat if he didnt pay for it she would make sure he didnt see DSS... so we went to court and asked for basically wat we are asking for now of course she refused all of it and said every 2nd w/e 1pm sat to 1pm sunday was enuff. and dat was it den we went back to court and got wat we have now......

Regarding My DD her Father is not in the picture and has never been in the picture (totaly different topic)
So DP isnt asking for extra time to play big happy familys he was seeing him more before we got together.... He wants to be a active part of his DS life and she just wont let him(but yet if he was wanting to have nuffing to do wif him she would be B*tching that he wasnt in his life GRRRRR)
We wouldnt be asking for more time with DSS if he wasnt asking us every visit if he can have more sleepovers... As we said we would wait till he was at school before asking for more time but when he started to ask for more sleep overs we tried mediation (the mother agreed to pretty much all the times we r asking more now apart from the tuesday night overstay and only wanted one week of the xmas hols but then 2 days later we got a call from the mediaitor saying she didnt want to do any of it ) so now we have to take it back to court...
its soooooooo frustrating...

If he is really struggling could it be coz he wants to see us more and isnt allowed too ??????????

Regarding Dr appointments and things we have requested that we be there for his SPecialist Appointments and so on (he had a iron deficincy and is being assessed for asthma) and she just refuses to tell us anything she wont even tell us who is GP is...... We have been asking for all this info since dec 05 its just so frustrating

Anyway Hoobley thanks for ur input i can see where you are coming from... it just p*sses me off that she thinks she is DSS only parent and is not including DP in THEIR sons life...

Lulu2 thanks for your comments too we admit alot has happened inhis life in the last 12 months specially seen both his mother and i have had babies and Me july 07 and her Oct 07 so he has 2 half siblings 14 weeks apart btu he has handled it pretty well.. He loves both babies always taking about his half sister when he is with us and his aunty tells us he is always taking bout DS when he is at his mums place.....Even his aunty (DP EX wife sister) didnt knwo that he is apparently struggling so that is another reason we think its just a plight to get us to stop asking....

Anyway thanks girls

Sarah