After posting in another thread, I thought I'd come out of the closet and admit that I am truly struggling with the idea that it's extremely likely that I won't be having any more kids.

Can I firstly say that I am grateful for the children I have. That, is in fact, what makes it more difficult for me to admit that I will not have any more.

DH is adamant that he will never go back for IVF. My Dr has also discouraged me from trying for another baby, as he believes that because it took us so long to conceive the last time, it's likely we have a bigger, yet-undiagnosed problem, and we should quit while we're ahead.

But my heart cannot let go. I desperately want another child, a sibling to Charlie that will be around his age. I feel torn apart everyday knowing I will never experience pg again, or having a newborn. I get upset at how fast Charlie is growing up, and wonder how I'll cope when he goes to school. I get so angry with DH that we could probably afford to have another baby, but he wants the 'quality of life' and will not sacrifice this to have another baby.

Because I cannot conceive naturally, I can't hope for a happy accident. I know that as long as my DH doesn't want another baby, I will never have one.

In my darkest hours, I think about leaving this man, this wonderful man who I love deeply, and who, in all other respects, is perfect for me.

I know for a fact that this is effecting our relationship, my happiness and my mental state.

I would love to talk to anyone who, for reasons beyond their control, have had to accept that they will not be having any more children. I'm prepared to be candid if you are. I just really need to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.