...I also feel disrespected as there was conversation about our marriage (just the negative aspects of me being away from the family alot due to work) and because of my feelings towards this particular female - I really despise that he spoke to her, of all people about our issues, it's like a slap in the face....her of all effing people! He knew damn well I was 'dark' on her.

I'm ok when I'm distracted. It's when I'm not distracted it cuts like a knife.
It must cut like a knife...

TBH, the part above about talking about your marriage would probably upset me the most. I have always said to DH that if he has a problem with our relationship, please talk to me about it before anyone else. It's when you involve other people that things can get out of control.

It sounds like you handled it quite well - where to from here? How do you feel about the things he discussed about your marriage?