Soooo, I mentioned counselling yesterday (for me) to warm him to the idea of HIM going soon (DH is notorious for running away from problems). I said that I don't have the tools to overcome this, and that until I don't understand why he did this I don't think I ever will'. Then he started on the 'it was only a few times' line...which infuriated me inside (didn't show it on the exterior).

Reading your responses makes me wish I had a wiser vocabulary - I'm just not great at putting my words so succinctly!

In a text msg last night he said he wished we could just move on and that he learn from it! Although I was unable to reply to that due to work, I feel I need to respond (just to clear up, I saw him briefly after work last night but was so tired I didn't want to bring the topic up. What should I say to the effect of NO ;-)

I would understand it more if I ran him down, nagged him, was mean to him etc - but I have only ever been positive in dealing with his low views on himself. He always said he was scared of some guy trying to steal me from him due to his looks. Seems I was the one who should have been more concerned!
I'm going to go against the grain here, of those saying you should remain calm and in control; and say that maybe you should be loosing it at him a little. It may give him a wake up call about how serious this actually is! Because from what you say, he really has no clue! It was cheating. Full stop. He should be grovelling for your forgiveness and bending over backwards to try and mend the situation, not downplaying the situation! He obviously doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, of what he is done; and you keeping your cool and keeping things inside doesn't show him how his actions actually impacted upon you. Not to mention that it isn't good for YOU to bottle up your emotions like that! It sounds like he needs a good tongue lashing, a meltdown and to shown just how much emotional termoil this has caused.