thanks heaps Sue but yeh i can't even bring myself to ring her, this might sound crazy but i actually feel physically sick at the thought of picking up the phone let alone talk to her, i get severe nausea and bad shakes just thinking of it, to be honest i feel what she has done is selfish and hurtful in not showing any interest in me or my life for a good year let alone asking anything about my own child. My and my DP only conclusion is she must be only ringing me because i ask her questions and appear to show interest i am feeding her ego and self esteem (both DP & both agree we think she has some huge insecurites and low self esteem). I feel i owe her absolutely nothing, and if anything i am putting myself at risk in it turning into an ugly conversation and i owe it to myself to not feel any worse then i already do right now.

The hard part is even thought this is a large town you run into people here easily. I have no idea what i am going to do if i run into her or her DH (he is lovely and clearly has no idea of the bad seeded side of his DW) ... i feel like a coward and so out of character for me to the point i can't stand going about town in the deep fear of running into her. DP & i discussed her and her DH would most likely think we are the aweful ones in cutting off contact and would probably be blaming it on us not coping with them having babies and not us, which is far from it ... i was actually looking forward to them but sure as don't now, i have no emotions towards them due to their selfish Mother the way she has behaved towards me.

My other concern is they have their trestel table and about 6 garden chairs stored in my garage and ou car isn't big enough to transport them back to them and i don't want to ring them to get them in fear of having to see them in my home, OMG that would be the worst.

DP doesn't want anything to do with her either, it's upset him too but not on the level like me cause he hasn't been on the recieving end of conversations like me. He seems to think it's an easy solution but i explained it's easy for him cause he works in Melb and doesn't have to run into them like i can.

BG OMG so sorry you went through that, feel terrible for you. I so understand how your emotions can be good one day, ok the next and it all feel like crap the next day after !! I get the feeling it must be a way our emotions have to sort through it all for us to come out the other end, to me it's like sifting out the crap. On that note BG i have been doing what you mentioned about toxic relationships ... i do feel so much better not having to know this woman but it's the fear of running into her that i'm dealing with terribly to the point it's making me feel sick and i don't look forward to going out, to understand me even though i'm known to be out spoken i actually can't handle confrontation, it does my head in and i won't allow myself to waste my energy on having a verbal fight with someone ... i think that's why i rather walk away from this woman and not explain why i don't want to know her. Just like you BG i ended a close relationship, a friendship spanning 30years it was hard but i had to end it as it was just that toxic and was doing me no good in my life, i simply stopped contacting her which was easier to do as she lives in Melb so therefore i don't run into her and i don't travel to her area. For this i have felt so much better its made a world of difference so i know by letting this other relationship go it will feel the same ... like a burden lifted YKWIM !!