10 things breastfeeding advocates should stop saying

[Floweryfields]

Kelly, you seem to have interpreted this as a direct post at yourself, or the site, which I didn't, don't know about anyone else. I thought the original post was a pretty good summary of how women who ff may view the way bf is portrayed by society in general, not just you or your site.

[Sagres]

I really like both articles also. I would consider myself pro-BFing (choose that path myself so a bit hard to say I'm not!) but I really get very annoyed at what some BFing advocates say and the first article really sums that up well. I agree to a lesser degree with some points but overall I love the gist of it.
Sometimes I just want to slap the ABA and yell 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar', I think they need to wake up to themselves. I know of someone who had terrible supply issues and was pretty much shown the door when they tried to comp feed. Now how is that supportive or helpful? That persons outcome could have been waaaaaaay different if they were shown more of the attitude of the second article.

I am pleased to see that the line I take with friends is very well summed up in the second article. Just wanted to say that there are lots of us out there, we may not be as loud and in your face as the more extreme advocates but we are out there and we think you are all doing a great job.

As for the point about saying how difficult it can be, I am a bit torn on this one. I think different people respond to different things, I have heard LOTS of people say they wish some one told them it could be hard so that as soon as a hurdle came up they didn't automatically put themselves in the basket of people that just can't BF, but at the same time other people take that warning entirely differently. It is so hard to come up with a message that is concise and to the point and accommodates the different responses people can have. So as I said, I am pretty torn on that point, but the option in the second article is pretty good for mine.

[Catastrophic]

Hmm, ok.


haha Fair call N2l!

[BellyBelly]

There are numerous posts where people have said they see all those things here all the time.

I've made this group visible to unregistered/unlogged in people also. If you have any other suggestions, feel free to ask, thats what we're here for. Ideally in the suggestions thread as we dont always read everything, or continue to read threads.

[Tinks]

Thank you Kelly

[Floweryfields]

There are numerous posts where people have said they see all those things here all the time.

.

OK, see I interpreted that to be the site members posting such comments in threads and not you specifically.

[~Minny~]

To be fair Minny, I can pretty much guarantee EVERY mother/father on BB is still feeding their 16 month old. Whether or not they are breastfeeding, bottle feeding, solids, whatever...

Im not sure where you are trying to go with this? Didnt say "what" i was feeding my 16month old...although the ticker makes it obvious...

Im not the first person to say im a breastfeeder but like the article, i have also shared the other article as well....

[BellyBelly]

We try to make sure people post fairly and along the same lines. I don't see these things here much anymore, but then I can't read everything and we have so many posts it is hard to keep up. I do believe though people here genuinely want to help.

Even if they don't, then we can gently respond, without launching into attack and anger, to help them understand others and where they are coming from. This thread is obviously going to help explain the other side to them. That way there will be kindness and understanding without bitterness and anger, and any divide occurring.

Anyways, all sorted.

[Tinks]

We try to make sure people post fairly and along the same lines. I don't see these things here much anymore, but then I can't read everything and we have so many posts it is hard to keep up. I do believe though people here genuinely want to help.

Even if they don't, then we can gently respond, without launching into attack and anger, to help them understand others and where they are coming from. This thread is obviously going to help explain the other side to them. That way there will be kindness and understanding without bitterness and anger, and any divide occurring.

Anyways, all sorted.

That's exactly why I posted it.

[BellyBelly]

Breastfeeders may not read the formula threads.

[Tinks]

Well, it seems many have and commented.

I've also had feedback and pm's from breastfeeders who liked the article.

[delphmoon]

Well, it would have been easier if one stayed within the topic of the thread instead of pointing out divides...but thats just my opinion and yes...I choose to feel that way.

[kelsbels]

^^^^ agree with delphmoon

[mel_cur]

Agreed delphmoon. Sadly that's how many threads of this kind are going lately

[BellyBelly]

Happy to leave it here then. Just wanted to help so that more read it. Enjoy.

[meow]

Okay, I wasn't going to get into the nitty gritty because this is the FF forum but it seems this conversation has opened up to BFers too. I think I could be perceived as doing No.1 and I've recently said similar things in other threads. My intention is never, ever to imply the mother herself gave up too easily or to imply that EVERY mother can BF but I do feel that there is such bad support out there that many mothers could have BFed even though they say they couldn't.

I was told I couldn't BF. I was told I had "done all I could" and it was time to switch to formula. But with better support we overcame it. I have found IRL when I've shared the BFing struggles I've had many of my friends who also struggled 9and ended up fulltime FF) have come back later and asked me what I did and what worked. I'm always conscious of saying that these solutions worked for MY situation and they would need to find what works for them but I try to let everyone know that I think they could successfully BF.

I get the impression on this forum though that this approach isn't liked and telling a FF mum she could have BF is wrong... and this thread says so too. So, is this just a personal thing and I've been lucky that my RL friends have been more open to the discussion or do you think I'm really just annoying everyone and I didn't realise?

[RainbowBrite]

I get the impression on this forum though that this approach isn't liked and telling a FF mum she could have BF is wrong... and this thread says so too. So, is this just a personal thing and I've been lucky that my RL friends have been more open to the discussion or do you think I'm really just annoying everyone and I didn't realise?

I think saying to a mother you could have BF if she tried harder (because it worked for me) will quite probably upset her...you are essentially telling her she failed.
I think a better approach is to say if you are likely to try BF your next baby you may try these things to hopefully get a little further.
So instead of making her feel like a failure you are giving her hope she can do it next time.
Just a thought

[Liz]

I get the impression on this forum though that this approach isn't liked and telling a FF mum she could have BF is wrong... and this thread says so too. So, is this just a personal thing and I've been lucky that my RL friends have been more open to the discussion or do you think I'm really just annoying everyone and I didn't realise?

I always find it interesting how many people breastfeed subsequent bubs once they've found the right support network and resources. This in itself shows that many (yes, not ALL) could well have breastfed given the right circumstances and support. So I think said in the right way, it'd be taken in the right way. I think it would be very sad to tip toe around someone who ended up FFing their first and not encouraging them to try different things or seeking out different help next time for fear of saying the 'wrong' thing :/

I think it goes both ways that we all need to watch what we say and how we say it. I much prefer the 2nd article of what TO say, and fwiw I thought posting the original article in the ff section was a bit strange, considering it really is aimed at breastfeeders? Pretty sure it's not written in a 'stick it to BF'ers' way to support FF'ers. It's a reminder to watch what we say when we're trying to encourage breastfeeding, or making suggestions of things to try to keep breastfeeding on track.