Can I bag out other sites??

paradise lost · April 22nd, 2008, 02:44 AM

I'll keep an eye out for other threads on this sort of thing Sush as i do find it interesting. I don't think sentimentalism directly relates to any particular parenting style, but i DO think it is a knee-jerk against the sentimentalist raising of children in the 60's (the "never say no anything goes" mentality) that makes people suspicious of AP, because they really DO fear that responding so completely to needs (which they possibly see as desires instead) will "spoil" the child.

I think also that there is ALWAYS the danger of sentimentalism in modern parenting (i say that as a BFing, baby-wearing (even now she's 2) mother) because we have so deified our children. I'm not saying children aren't precious, i'm just saying that now more than ever before we value them more highly. My mother's mother had 4 children, 2 grew to adulthood. My mother had 7 children, six grew to adulthood. Nowadays losing a child has become such a rare thing and is therefore such a shock when it happens (i'm not saying it wasn't then, but my mum and my nana knew LOTS of women, the majority in fact, who had lost at least one infant or child, whereas now it is rare enough for parents who suffer such a loss to be isolated in their grief) and so the tendency to wrap in cotton wool is stronger than ever. My mum would no doubt have had a FIT at the situations i was in when in fact i learned the hardest and most useful lessons of my life so far, but i cannot imagine in a life of classes, planned activities and supervised playdates how my child would ever GET into such situations. I DO think there is a more common trend nowadays to over-protect and that lessons about HOW to cope when you fall/are harmed/meet danger/encounter evil are being lost to our children. Already a generation have genuinely NEEDED therapy for things which past generations accepted with stoicism. Simultaneously talking therapy and antidepressant use are higher than ever before and suicide rates climb ever higher. This is WAY o/t now. If you start a new thread feel free to move this post there.

Bx

**Bathsheba** · April 22nd, 2008, 12:12 PM

I haven't got time to say more than:

Hoobley: I've found your contributions really interesting and it resonates as true with me. Thankyou for taking the time to explain

Sushee: yes! please start that thread about mother/child psychology... absolutely fascinating! I hope you track down that info on sentimentalism... I'd love to hear more. I hear so many parents attribute emotions/needs to their children that the child is absolutely NOT capable of having and it drives me nuts! Eg. the parent who claims their newborn is being "manipulative" by settling well to sleep in the day and not at night. A newborn is just not capable of that degree of sophistication in their relationships. Why do parents feel the need to do this? Can they (the parents) not relate to another human being that has a vastly different reality to their own? I agree... I don't think my newborns "needed" eye contact to settle but I never actively avoided it... who knows, their might have been a few times... say they heard a strange noise like a loud sudden bang and briefly needed my eye contact to see that I am calm thus everything is ok... maybe babies don't react that way... just guessing. I'd love to read more about the reality of being a newborn (life from their perspective not ours)! Robin Skinner (British psychologist, written many books) touches upon it but only in a mainstream kinda sense.