DD is 2 & 1/2. Right now she is going through the boundary testing phase I guess. What's really testing me though is the "I want ..." followed by the "I don't want ...." followed by the "I want ..." tantrum.

Eg:
It's morning tea time. Do you want apple or orange today?
Apple.
So I prepare apple.
A tantrum ensues because "I want orange"
So I give the apple to her sister and give her an orange, and a tantrum ensues because her sister is eating her apple.
So we share, everybody gets apple and orange, but now we refuse both and sulk / have a tantrum (depends on how energetic she is!) because she doesn't want either.

another - do you want milk or water with your lunch?
(as per above - you get the idea)

A particular favorite of mine is when we are out and I have prepared some food for us all, and I check with her to see if she is finished, if she wants anymore. No, so I/DD2 eat it, or it is thrown out and then 30 seconds later we have a tantrum because "I want it"

the I want-don't want-want-don't want ... can be for anything - toys, food, which undies we are wearing today, anything! I do try and offer her choces, but I am struggling with the changing of her mind 50 times and tantrum regardless of the choices.

Last night:
Dishing up dinner, baked dinner - her fave.... I dish up her plate, with gravy because she loves it.
A tantrum because "I don't want gravy"
OK, so I have her plate and give her a new plate full, no gravy, and we have another tantrum because she wants gravy. So DH puts gravy on it (unaware that this was her second plate) and she gets upset because she doesn't want gravy, so DH gets her a new plate with no gravy (now her third plate) which she refuses to eat, but wants to eat the food - with gravy - off my plate!!
I felt like this:

any suggestions? This is really pushing my buttons and I am starting to get a bit cranky for my liking when this is happening.