Does happy mum REALLY equal happy baby?

[sunshine_sieben]

Mmmmmmm, I so understand where you're coming from.
My good friend has just had her second child. With her first, she ended up having a c/s (because she was being pushed into an unneccessary induction) and because of lack of support she didn't manage to overcome her breastfeeding problems. She felt like she failed at birthing and feeding her baby. So this time around, she decided to have an elective c/s and didn't even try to BF becasue she didn't want to feel like a failure again. She did say her reasoning was happy mum = happy baby. Without judging her, I have to disagree with that. I do think, for her, this might have been the right decision. But maybe not for her baby. It is a compromise that she made. I don't think she has done her baby any harm by making this decision, but saying this decision was made becasue it was ultimately best for baby is what I disagree with.

I think in any family, we constantly have to make comrpomises. Whether it is your relationship with your husband, or between you and your children. We have to weigh up our need for rest against their need for assurance. And maybe the right decision is to have a "night off" every week. DH and I used to do that. Once a week, usually on Saturday night, it was DH's turn to look after DD when she woke in the middle of the night. If she needed a BF, he'd bring her to me, but I didn't have to get out of bed. That was when she only usually fed once a night. This arrangement worked for us. I didn't feel guilty for "neglecting" DD and often it was good bonding time for DH. Often on Sunday mornings, he would let me have a sleep in and h'd take DD to the park or make her breakfast.

But by going against your beliefs, you will not be that happy mum. And yes, you are right, sometimes it gets really really hard. I have often felt that I have chosen the hard path. But it was made a little smoother by the feeling that I'm doing the right thing for my child. And ultimately that makes me happy. So your reversed version is appropriate.

I did use that same saying sometimes to combat people who told me to wean (DD has just recently self-weaned) or used to tell me that co-sleeping was bad for her or to use CC. They used to tell me to do these things for my own sanity, because as the saying goes: "Happy mummy = happy baby". But how can letting my baby cry make me happy?
I used to tell them that breastfeeding made her happy and content and ultimately that made me happy. I told them that she slept a lot better when co-sleeping with me and if I can get more sleep, I am much better able to deal with whatever the day throws at me. Which then makes her more relaxed.
So maybe it should be "Happy baby = Happy mummy = Happy baby"

Sorry for the rambling. But you've raised a good point.

Saša