I actually agree with a lot of what you've said, Liz, but I expect that for some, being unhappy for whatever reason means they cannot cope with their baby, and that's something that needs to be taken into account.

But I agree, I never saw that I had to be rested, free from discomfort or even content to ensure I had a happy baby, so I too don't necessarily think that the whole 'happy mum=happy baby' thing is strictly true. I think gentle parenting is generally easier on baby, though definitely not necessarily easier on the mother. So it would naturally occur, if you don't control cry, for instance, to get less sleep with a baby in the house. Mum might be happier under those circumstances, but baby, on the other hand, may not be. That's the trade-off. So while some may say 'happy mum=happy baby' in those circumstances, and decide that it's what works for their family, I personally don't agree to that trade-off so will not control cry. But I will use sposies instead of cloth because that was a trade off I WAS prepared to make, IYKWIM.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I agree with your philosphy for the most part that you don't have to be a happy mum to have a happy baby.