Is time out considered a gentle parenting method?

[BabyMama]

I know this thread is a little old now but thought I'd offer another option which I've found really useful. It's called "Time In". If you look for the Circle of Security website and under resources you can download some fantastic stuff, including a 'Time In' guide. Basically it involves being with your child during the time in and helping them identify and talk through feelings; take responsibility; and discuss ways of responding to the situation in the future. Obviously it depends on the age of the child as to how you implement this.

BTW - I don't think time out is inherently 'bad' and it definitely has a place when we (the parent) are too frustrated to deal with the situation effectively anyway. It's all in how we implement these strategies and how our children (and we) feel when it's happening that counts.

[DANNIIM]

Just want to jump in on the conversation too DS1's school adopts the 123 magic program. Basically the teachers don't have time to deal with 1 or 2 kids that refuse to co-operate or otherwise the time is being taken away from the children that are behaving and wanting to learn (embarrassingly enough my DS1 fell into the naughty child corner) anyway the Deputy Principal one of only two Males teachers at the school decided to adopt this across the whole school, this meant training the teachers as to what the policy was going to be for dealing with all children when there behaviour isn't to an acceptable level. It has been really positive across the whole school because doesn't matter when the kids go up a grade they are still being treated in the same way they were the year before and i must admit a vast improvement with DS1 as well, the phone calls from the school almost stopped. The kids don't automatically get sent out of the room on the 3rd count they go to the back of the class to get them away from the situation for 5 minutes then they come back and then if it happens again they work through the 123 then it's the office, where they deal with normally the Deputy or one of the other teachers that is in the office at the time. They get counselled about what has happened and get to talk about ther bad decisions which kids like to do but the thing the really work on is if a child had a bad day the day before it is never brought back into the classroom the next day, it's always a clean slate for them.

[meow]

Personally, no, I don't see time out as gentle parenting. I don't see any reward/punishment system as respectful behaviour guidance so it wouldn't fit under my understanding of gentle parenting.

[BellyBelly]

What meow said. Check out Alfie Kohn's books/work on this stuff - reward & punishment.

[DANNIIM]

You know i really think it depends on the child if time out is going to work. For instance DS1 gets highly frustrated and wants to voice his opinion and then it tends to boil over especially when at school, he gets removed from the situation which helps him calm down, regroup his thoughts in a logical way then comes back into the group setting more relaxed and calm. If they do get to go to the office at school the teachers or deputy listen to there points of view each and everyone of them so the kids feel like they have got there thoughts and opinions out there, instead of making enemys with the other child in question they normally go back best of mates because the way it is handled.