Discussions with DHs re homebirth

[Bloom]

Rosehip - you are so funny! (i mean that in a nice way). I've read your birth stories (i think, but you know how they tend to blur, if they aren't yours!). Anyway, if I said that to DH he would definately take the going to work option (even if I was birthing at hospital), in fact he's asked if it's okay if he arranges to be out of the country for the birth! LOL. Um no.

Thanks Sasa for the water birth tip. I wonder if I could birth in my corner spa...

Dee - yes at the next catch up we will need to share plans and ideas!

DH is gradually coming around. I'm now saying things like... we'll need to arrange to save the money for the homebirth... and there have been no violent objections. Next step is to arrange midwife visit (when pg) and then watch BOBB (or maybe in the other order?). I'm kinda seeing the HB as my reward for surviving IVF.

And I have a question re stats and HB: does anyone know the general transfer rate and what the outcomes of transfers are? I'm thinking: you start birthing at home, things don't go well, you get transfered to hospital but then (perhaps because of delay in getting to hospital), there is a maternal or fetal complication. Would this be counted as a HB or a hospital birth in terms of stats?

[Kitt3n]

Hi Ruth,

My MW says that generally the ladies who are transferred are first time mums who havent fully prepared themselved for the pain of birth...... who then stress out.

There is always a chance that the baby could be stressed (but your MW will pick up on this) and, having had no drugs, you will be much more in tune with your body and will have much more of a sense if something IS actually wrong.

I don't know the actual stats unfortuantely, but I have to say read, read, read - knowledge is power and this will be the time of your life that you need more inner power than ever!

If you start arming yourself with knowledge now you will have an amazing pregnancy from day one.

I would watch BOBB now, why wait?

Slowly start reading one or two books, save the rest to enjoy while you are pregnant.... I have read

"New Active Birth".... MW also ensured DH read chapter 6 (crap, i think it was chapter 6) as she called this the "bible" of home births.
Hypnobirthing - the mongon method (if this doesnt make you feel so damn sure about homebirth nothing will! It left me with a sense of such inner peace!). Womans voice on CD is bloody annoying though
Birth Your Way - lots of good stats and info in that one
25 Ways to unlease your birth power - its just cute, full of affirmations and a "good feeling" vibe. I'd save this one for the end of your pregnancy
Men at Birth - stories of men and how they each handled birth differently

Most of these books were recommended to me by Kelly - and you can get most of them here on BB!

I guess, for now, I would suggest you watch BOBB and read Birth Your Way ....... chances are your MW will have the other books (and much more) to loan to you as part of your care.

[Cricket]

I heard the same as Kitt3n - most of the transfers are for pain relief. But I didn't hear exactly what the percentages are.
One slightly related bit of information I came across - women who transfer from home for a c-section are typically in surgery faster than those labouring at the hospital to start with. (Bizarre, eh?) I think it was something like 30 minutes from decision to section to surgery for home-birthing mums, and 45 minutes from decision to surgery for hospital-birthing ones.

[paradise lost]

These are general stats...from lots of countries collapsed together and thus not hugely specific.

Transfer rate is about 35%. That is 35% of ALL women have to transfer.

"Transfer" means "go to hospital" - it can be a post-birth transfer too, it's just if the birthing is not completed in its entirety at home, ok? So if you give birth and tear and have to transfer for repair that's a transfer. If you have retained placenta, that's a transfer. If bubs has something that needs paed attention immediately (talipes, suspected DS, cleft palate etc.) that's a transfer.

Of the 35%, 70% are first time mothers, and of THEM about 85% transfer for epidural pain relief or because their labour is very long and they are exhausted and wish to have augmentation. The remainder of the total who transfer do so for obstetric or paediatric need. I THINK that the overall c-section rate for those who transfer is about 30-40%, but you need to remember that some of those sections will be for failure to progress (failure to wait) followed by failed induction. Women who DO transfer usually do so for intervention because either they can't cope with the pain or they need obstetric medical help.

Things like death and injury are recorded as being where the complication occured. If the cord prolapses at home it's a home prolapse, if the labour is long and mum goes in for epidural and augmentation and bubs gets distressed it's hopsital foetal distress.

HTH

Bx

[sunshine_sieben]

So, what does the little note in your siggie mean? 5w 1d?

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see the little angel symbol next to it, my computer must not have loaded it the other day. I'm sorry for your loss!
Saša

[BekZ]

Thanks for information ladies. I will start by reading a book or two...I have quite a few months to decide

[sunshine_sieben]

That is great news, that your DH doesn't seem to object all that much anymore. It's a good sign. You might be able to wear him down, and who knows, get him on your side eventually. I hope so!

Yes, you can definitely give birth in your corner spa or even in a bath tub.
I general birth pools are pretty deep so you can immerse yourself pretty deep and take advantage of the weightlessness. This was the big thing for me: not having to hold up my own weight as I had no desire to lie down whatsoever. They are also of a fair size so you can move around and find a position that is comfortable. The one I used also had a few steps in it which helped with different positions.
I have heard of people buying one of those cheap above ground pools (well, not cheap, but costing about $200). There are also places that hire out birth pools. These are all things your MW will be able to help you with. She can point you in the right direction.

Saša

[lilmisshavachat]

Hi Ruth08 and BekZ... I googled homebirth Queensland and there are a couple of really interesting sites with some awsome birth stories and also some contacts for private midwives... There is also an american company that sells birth pools and assorted things and maybe check out the pools dimensions as I believe a deep pool is the most beneficial...Yep.. You guessed it.. I have way too much time on my hands... Good luck ladies..
Dee

[Tegam]

DH was totally against it. i just said that i refused to try to convince him it was safe. i said i knew it was safe and i supplied him with all the positive research. i then said that it was up to him to find the stats as to why we shouldnt birth at home... this worked well as i knew he wouldnt bother. my ob for the last hospital bub said "oh thats great - you would be the perfect candidate for a home birth" so that ended up helping. and its 40 weeks, by the end of it he thought it was his idea LOL i dont think he would want me to birth in hospital again now!...

[Smoke Jaguar]

I'm kinda seeing the HB as my reward for surviving IVF.

Absolutely! How many women have IVF for their longed for baby, only to mistakenly think a private OB is the 'best care' for their child, not wanting to 'take risks' and end up with the biggest risk to that child's life i.e. interventions and a likely caesar? Too many
Listen, I know you don't want to be confrontational with your DH, so I suggest taking on what RF is saying and tucking that into your head, whilst being firm and sweet with DH and saying "Hun, I want to birth this baby via homebirth and I'd much rather have your support about it than your opposition so that this can be a peaceful pregnancy and peaceful birth". That way, you tell him that you are not wavering and that you are offering him the chance to come on this journey with you, instead of meeting him at the end once he's taken the bus and you've gone the forest walk. Sorry about that metaphor...it's all I can think of!
Anyway, my DP was against HB for cost reasons (surely, the biggest opposition of all!) and I've pretty much been firm and consistent and very gentle, telling him that it is quite significant to me to do this next time and that I will find a way to do it. Initially I fell in line with his opposition to using the baby bonus, and now he knows that if government policies aren't going our way by the time I'm UTD again, I'm willing to use that free money to pay for an even more 'zen' birth the second time round.
Firm, gentle consistency might be your key
BTW DP is on board now and has resigned himself to a new reality. All we have to do now is research the cheapest option. Next hurdle is convincing him to hire my friend (also one of the BB doulas) to be a doula - he doesn't think we need one...

[Tegam]

i remember i also said to DH that there was no way i could do it without his support....and that really upset and disappointed me that he would say no to something so important to me without any real reason, when i had support him in all he had wanted with his career....i said that mothering is my career and i will only get to birth a limited amount of times....

[Cricket]

I think that a lot of men are scared by the whole birth thing. They've heard so many stories about pain, blood, fainting, screaming and swearing, "near-death-experiences", and "if-we-hadn't-been-at-the-hospital-they-would-have-died", from who knows where. So they want the two people they love most in the world - wife and baby - to be as safe as they can make them! And what could be safer than the hospital, right?! Wouldn't you have thought that if you hadn't done your own reading and research? I know I did.
Many men are a little bewildered by how a woman's body works at the best of times, let alone during child-birth, and so they want the "professionals" to handle this. And, given the way homebirth and private midwives are generally viewed by the media, it's no wonder that men don't see this as a good option.
So, I think that as the previous posts have said, gentle education is the best option. Show them the failings of the current system, and the options that are out there. Show them the statistics and current research on homebirth. I don't think most of the guys out there are really out to be idiots about birth - they love you and want you to be safe. The thing is to convince them that you are safe, even safer, at home.