Homebirth General Discussion #10

[Jennifer13]

One of my sisters is going with a group midwifery program at the public hospital (it's the precursor for the birth centre they are building), but the other went private and after numerous interventions had a c/s. I'm confident my other sister will be fine after all the discussions we've had. C/s sister has had issues with bfing related to the ABs she was given in labour (thrush undiagnosed, mastitis, thrush still, it's a vicious cycle).

My SIL is a farm-raised NZer and had total confidence in her ability to give birth first time around at a public hospital. Short unimpeded labour and no intervention. She's having no 2 next month and will likely have another good birth.

I have talked in detail to all three, gave my sisters my birth plan, favourite books, etc. because they know I had such a great homebirth they did listen, just my sister who went private was quite afraid and very much trusted her inadequate care model.

I was stressing so much about my sister who went private (for good reason), but am just excited about the other two.

[e_p]

Em - as much as I love Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth I think someone who wasn't open to the idea of a natural birth Could easily dismiss it. I think Leonie McDonald's new book Birth Journey's is good and easily digested...has a variety of birth choices, positive stories and great short articles that can be good starting points for women to get thinking and do more research into particular areas. I also love Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering but can see how the title alone could be off putting for some. how sad that we're so conditioned to be narrow minded about birth stuff

[Tegam]

I do really offer any more. People know what I do and if they ask I'll be as helpful as I can.

DH even believes that some of his mates wives dont 'like' me as my natural parenting style makes them feel intimidated

Says I'm so mother earth and make it look so easy that their husbands wonder why they complain and they only have 1-2kids.

Really really don't mean to put that out there. But yes birth was a lovely experience for the most part, I breast fed and yes I love my four kids.

[Cassius2]

Yep, I find it hard to hear about peoples plans for their births at times too. Phrases also annoy me, you know, the ones where the OB/hospital makes all the care decisions...'my OB will let me labour for XYZ' 'or let me go 10 days over'. bah! talk about not including the birth couple in that permission lol.

I also then equally find it annoying (and i have moaned about this before on here I am sure) that birth experiences in a hospital are more valid and therefore are spoken about at great length, and yet no one is that interested in the 'good home birth' story. i am sure that if i transferred or something really dire happened, then i would be listened to. but it really irks me that a positive, normal experience is not acceptable (or invalidated with admissions that i am 'different' and therefore capable where 'normal' people are not).

[e_p]

or that you got 'lucky' and that you're so 'brave'. You hit the nail on the head Cassius - people would listen if I'd been in hospital (regardless of whether it was a great experience or a horrific one). Having said that I know women who birth naturally anywhere get shot down, and women who have traumatic births everywhere get told they should be happy with their healthy baby and that's all that matters, and women who have caesareans get told they didn't really give birth so I'm sure we're not alone in feeling this way.

[Tegam]

Beautifully said eutra!

Haha Cass, actually I don't stay quiet when someone says 'my dr said I had to be induced on the 18th....' I always remark 'so he'll come to your house and drag you to hospital, or call the police??'

Lucky we love hearing about normal lovely homebirths.... Speaking of that is it August yet??

[Jennifer13]

I balance how I say things where I think it might come across better by including or mentioning my DD1's scheduled c/s, which was on my ob's advice. It also reminds me how far I've come and therefore how much becoming a parent might alter others' viewpoints, even years down the track (it took about four years for me to think of homebirth second time around).

I was talking about bfing with my sister the other day and I said I thought it was especially important for babies like my DD1 and her DD who were born by c/s and missed out on the healthy bacteria in the birth canal.

If you are presenting a gentle, natural approach to birth and parenting, I think it's best done in a gentle manner. People who avoid it or don't want to know about my experience usually have their own hangups and I can't help but feel sorry for them.

[meow]

If you are presenting a gentle, natural approach to birth and parenting, I think it's best done in a gentle manner. People who avoid it or don't want to know about my experience usually have their own hangups and I can't help but feel sorry for them.

I agree. In the conversation with my friend I said that the best place for a woman to give birth is where she wants to be, because her feeling secure & supported is the most important thing.

[HotI]

i had an interesting conversation recently with DH and another couple that showed how much he has been changed by our experiences. our friends are pregnant with their first bub and were saying they had a heap of appts and tests already and a heap coming up. dh was awesome, he showed empathy and talked about all the appts and tests offered (mainly with DDs pregnancy), and then said (with a sense of admiration) 'after awhile hoti just started saying no'. it was such a great way of raising the possibility that you don't have to accept all that they offer, and it was great to hear it said with admiration rather than being seen as a troublemaker. i have always felt my decisions were supported by DH, but the way he spoke was that now he believes that my decisions have been the right ones AND he is happy to encourage others to question and find the right way for them.

I don't think i have described it very well, but it sort of fits into whether to talk up or not, and i probably wouldn't have in that context, but DH did and i think the way he did it opened up the opportunity for further discussion if and when the other couple are ready or face issues with their care.

[Bella29]

I just wanted ro pop in and say hello! Dd had her 6 month earthside anniversary the other day. Talk about it going quick!

I also wanted to quickly interject into the convo on sharing your stories. Whilst I completely get not over sharing your experiences, cos don't we all know how many people will shut us down for a great birth. Since I gave birth I know of two women who have been hugely moved by my experience and passion about birth. They have found their empowerment thru me and have gone on to great births. Not because I told them how to birth. But because I told them over and over to trust themselves. It is humbling to me.....

Kelly, hugs mamma! So close! I have been in pain for both my pregnancies, so I get it. Hug your gratitude and nurture yourself. You and in a beautiful place growing your baby.

Much love

Bella xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk..... I'm probably feeding my cherub

[lady_neon]

Hey chicas just quickly dropping in, haven't posted in here for a bit.

Was just reading the discussion, you know it IS good to talk about a great, natural birth. You never know who you can get into a great conversation about it with. Most people are throwing around the 'oh, you're so brave' 'you must be nervous' comments about my homebirth plans... but I've had one 'you must have great confidence in yourself' which is the key. I think women underestimate the power & design of their bodies. An encouraging, positive story is what they need to hear. To be reminded they can do it.

Had a great conversation with a 60+ year old fellow at work the other day, his step-daughter is having an elective caesarean for her first, because in his words, 'she wants to know when the baby comes so she can organise everything, and she thinks labour is old fashioned and caesareans are modern and more safe' we got talking about natural birth and intervention etc, whew, what a great convo! He was in complete agreement with me and said he's worried about his SD but why would she listen to an old man, that's it's great what I'm doing and I need to spread the message because we need to do what's best for the baby and the mother. He wished me the best for the birth and asked if I could add him to the list of people at work who will get emails/texts when baby is born. It was really encouraging (particularly being a first time mumma) and I felt so elated and pleased with my decisions.

Anyway, that was a bit of a ramble but I had to share that story. It's fantastic to know some random 60 year old dude is cheering ya don't hold back. Not saying to scream it from the rooftops, but if the topic comes up.. well take it from there.

So I've got just over 2 months left and still completely disorganised. Few questions to ask my MW, & still need to hire a pool..

x

[HomeStyleMumma]

This is a great convo ladies!

Lady_neon- so happy to hear you had an encouraging talk with someone.

It amazes me how often it is the 'older' generation that is supportive of more natural birthing etc, especially seems to be the men. Maybe its because they remember their mums/aunties etc doing it but then were in the generation that got sidelined for their own children's births!? I know on a personal level I was almost shocked when dh grandfather was super excited & honoured when I had ds2 at his house! He was literally glowing with pride & telling all who'd listen everything about it :-D (Hope noone who knows me finds this post they'll work it out for sure haha). On another point I do like to try emphasize the joys & differences between my births. I feel its almost an advantage I've had a 'normal' hos birth then hos birth with complications (lol makes me laugh saying that coz it was the same as 1st just sooner with smaller baby!) And then HHS that got better each time.
I definitely get the 'youre just lucky to birth well & are a bit of a weirdo hippy type' vibe from ppl- especially family! I try not to push my ideas tho & figure u cannot change anyone the best way in influence is by example & hope they'll see the benefits sooner rather than later. Sorry for the ramble

[lady_neon]

mrsbaj yes it's definitely the older generation. My GP is probably late 50's plus, huge medical centre type. I was expecting the whole blabla about risk of it when I told him I was homebirthing, but he actually looked secretly estatic! I think you're right, they remember their mumma's, aunts etc having them at home as was the norm, but then got pushed aside when their wives were birthing. So far my dad is the only one who isn't in agreement he's supportive but he'd rather I go to hospital. Funny, because he was one of 12 healthy children born at home. I have great family support otherwise (MIL & SIL homebirthed, and my mums a bit of a 'hippy').

I guess because you've done both, people might be more inclined to listen to your views about homebirthing IYKWIM. It's not that I want to 'push' this type of view, I just want to wipe away bad stigma.

[HomeStyleMumma]

Lady_neon that's so great you've found a supportive go. So far the ones I've seen when pg with hb babies they were good but I've heard some horror stories! I to want to help lose the stigma... Tbh I don't even UNDERSTAND why its there grrr It's not that I don't see that hospitals are necessary sometimes but I just have this passion for educating women on what's normal natural & wonderful about pg & birth, because the fear in not knowing is so often half the problem which lends to doing what ever the 'learned on' says! Sorry I guess right now I'm probably telling those who already know haha

[Jennifer13]

Lady neon, I wouldn't be surprised if your Dad did a complete 360 after your home birth and thought it was a great idea. DP was not at all convinced but trusted me and now thinks staying home is the best way to give birth.

I have a great GP too. She believes in midwifery care and that you should avoid male drs for birth. Tongue in cheek, but I know what she means.

[Jennifer13]

So it's time to start stalking Kelly and Tanya then.

[Tanya]

I guess

I wonder if Kelly is having any sort of blessing to prepare for her journey....? Hmmmm.

[BellyBelly]

Hehehe. Yes was a relief to get to 37 weeks, means homebirth is good to go Pool hasnt arrived yet, think that will make me feel more ready, think everything else is sorted.

No, I dont have any blessings or anything planned, never had one.

Think this will be the last babe for me, this weekend DP brought up having the snip so mixed feelings. Was able to get some gorgeous belly photos though, going to cast my belly (better do that soon) and just trying to focus on the birth and bub for now. I burnt my back with the hot water bottles - a week ago it was red and purple blotches everywhere, now they are red-brown. Whoops.

Sorry I havent contributed much, especially the last few weeks, been so full on. I hate it when you dont have great things to report too, been a tough journey, looking forward to some great things to share.

Looking forward to hearing your news soon after mine Tan