Meow - I knew it was a natural pain, but that didn't stop me begging for drugs and telling them I just wanted it to stop. My contractions were right on top of each other for hours, and I dunno - I just wanted it to end. And I didn't expect it to be like that. I didn't have any interventions or anything either, and to look back at my birth it was pretty much perfect, I was left on my own with DH to work through them (which I didn't really like, a bit of instruction would have been nice I think on how to deal with them - I only received advice whilst pushing and that was to not push but breathe through it, and I couldnt' even do that, my body just pushed her out without me doing anything.. LOL)

So it wasn't even that I had a traumatic birth, or that it was full of interventions or scary parts, cos it wasn't, its just the pain that I need to get a handle on. Maybe I feel like this because I always thought I was a bit of a tough person, like if I get pain anywhere else (I have dislocated my knees a few times) I just punch the floor or something to get through it, or breathe through it, but for some reason, the pain of contractions just got to me, they were far more intense than anything else I have ever felt, and I screamed through probably an hour of the labour.. which I hate admitting that I did it, because it just feels weak to me.. you know? I dunno, I guess I thought I would be tougher, and I am disappointed in myself, and I don't want to feel that again, which is probably why I fear this time around - who wants to disappoint themselves for a second time?

Does any of this make sense? I'm just typing as I'm thinking, so its probably all over the place.

Tegam - I know you are trying to help Although I could kill you cos you say you feel no pain.. LOL