Homebirth General Discussion #20

[ladybirdflies]

A year ago today I birthed my fourth daughter at home... born in her caul, her birth asked me to dig deeper than I ever have before... such a thrill!!! I am looking at her photos this morning, all of my girls huddled around the birth pool in their jammies, squealing with joy calling her in was one of the best moment of my life!

[Cassius2]

Meow: in all honesty it simply sounds like you guys dont really know eachother that well yet (ie. she doesnt know the how, whys, what and wherefores of you and your journey) and is still in that early infancy of a relationship stage. I think that you guys might need to book in some appointments on a more regular basis over the short term. It seriously just sounds like the relationship of trust and knowing you and how you operate isnt there yet ITMS. and if, on top of it all she is still getting her bearings in the new system it's probably all compounding. My only concern is that she doesnt seem to be confident within the system and it might be worth thinking about how this might affect her continuity of care if somewhere along the journey there was a decision that had to be made in terms of transfer or hospital monitoring. It might be worth thinking about your last HB journey and thinking how nic or helen might be handling this situation with the bleeding and then that might give you a platform in which to form a relationship with this IM ITMS. You need to be able to feel that you can talk candidly and not have to make all those decisions of your care for yourself...having an IM is a relationship where, together you guys make sure that you get the best birth possible...this is not about you simply 'informing yourself' and making all those calls on your own. yes, ultimately you have the veto if you decide not to go, but you need to have a level of trust in your IM that she will make a call and that you can trust the call that she is making. I know that i am rambling but as an example...when i was in threatened PT labour with Miss E i called Nic. she isnt one to panic and hit the Big Red Button, but she also knows that i downplay stuff Big Time. so she came around, had a cup of tea with me, watched me, asked me what i wanted to do (which i said, I HAD NO IDEA hahaha), she then told me my options, then told me what she suspected might be going on (early labour or TPL). She knew my history of PTSD and knew that it was a big trigger to go to hospital so she got our student IM to stay with me for a couple of hours and monitor me intermittently over that time while i rested (to see if contrax stopped). when they didnt, she told me that it might be time to get checked out... she told me that based on how i was presenting there was also an outside chance that an abruption might be on the cards (due to the way i explained the pain). When she made that call i trusted her implicitly as she never left me alone in terms of information, support etc. So when she made the call, I was only a step behind her in thinking the same thing ITMS. for me, this is an ideal situation. you need guidance and trust that they know when to make a call that takes into consideration not just the 'medical' (because of course, you could always just say, 'hey, no harm in getting it all checked out') but also the dynamic of emotional/mental space.

Sorry, i know that i am rambling, but i get how important it is to have that trust, and although i reckon you guys could get there, it might just take a bit more work and rather than wait for the monthly appointment, might be worth throwing a couple extra in and see where it takes you.

I can also ask my peeps if you want if they know anyone in your area or if they know your IM. i might know someone that has used her and can recommend her...as HotI mentioned sometimes it is really nice knowing how other families have had a great experience etc to tip you over the edge...i know that's how i chose Nic and Helen in the first place...a recommendation

in the short term...might be worth sending an email to Helen and asking about the spotting...see what she says and weigh it up with what your IM reckons.

[meow]

Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it so very much xx

It sounds like you might have something going on around trust with your midwife, when that trust is broken you start being sensitive and reactive to everything they do.

I actually think her response says a bit about her lack of trust in me. She's not sure about my responses and I think she thinks I'm just negative against any suggestion she makes which makes it difficult for her to feel I'm trusting her. I'm feeling like she's not communicating enough though. Offering me options isn't really support. If she had said "If you're concerned you could have an ultrasound, or else we can wait and see if you have worsening symptoms then an ultrasound probably would really be a good idea" then I would have felt more informed.

Hmmm, that's a tough one, meow. What's your gut telling you? I'd go with my instincts. You've mentioned a lot around the practising climate, so it sounds like you're trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean you'd rather take this as an isolated incident?

I'm really unsure of my instincts. I guess I feel like there is more going on here and it's more about miscommunication between us, than her being the wrong person. I did reply that I didn't want her to get defensive it's just that an ultrasound is not a minor decision for me and I feel like everything is fine so it's not needed, but I also didn't want to be flippant and ignore warning signs so I wanted her input. Also let her know that we're had sex since my pelvis pain has gone and there were no issues so I'm guessing that's a good sign. I think that helped her peace of mind too as I know she doesn't want to neglect us if there really are possible warning signs. I guess she doesn't know me enough yet to know when I'll really start sending up red flags.

I can also ask my peeps if you want if they know anyone in your area or if they know your IM.

in the short term...might be worth sending an email to Helen and asking about the spotting...see what she says and weigh it up with what your IM reckons.

I had considered talking to Helen about the whole thing and getting her advice. I know she would have been much clearer and wouldn't have suggested an ultrasound yet. It makes me miss her! I don't think I need anymore advice on the spotting- it was SO minor and I'm sure it's nothing. It's been days with nothing- I'm sure it was from pushing bookcases around Who are your peeps? Do they know people everywhere? Happy for any south SF bay area advice if anyone you know has any. My MW works in teams of two so at the birth we'll have someone else from her practice and they have all been in the area for ages so I'm sure they'll be a good resource in case of transfer/navigating 'the system' if needed.

We already have an appointment in about a week and a half so I'll wait till then but we need to make sure we talk about this stuff... I'll make some notes.

[Lady-bug]

to those who have had unpleasant experiences, I've been there too, unnecessary c/section for my first for 'failure to progress' after 8 hours I was angry and just really sad for a long time but at the same time, I don't think I would have ever chosen a homebirth with our second so in a weird way I'm glad it worked out the way it did (I realise how bizarre that sounds)

I have been feeling like I'm not in the right head space for birth. (I know I've still got a fair bit of time) so I watched The Face of Birth last night and already I feel so much better. I'm going to start preparing my birth space too. I want some nice 'bits and pieces' to go on some draws that will be in the room and maybe some affirmations up on the walls. Anyone got any suggestions? Or want to share what they included in their birth space?

Meow-You sound much calmer with your plan. I hope you enjoy your camping weekend, nothing like being out in nature.