Tegam: she's not the person to be your midwife...that's my honest opinion. the person who should share this journey with you and your family cannot bring fear or feelings of stress into your life...this is far too important event. i would suggest that it would be beneficial to test the waters with someone else. it's obvious that this birth journey this time is not with her ITMS...

my concern if you do decide to freebirth is that it is because you found closed doors everywhere and had no other real option, and i reckon that's not the best place to be (i'm talking emotionally/spiritually here) when bringing a new beautiful life into the world. claim this birth baby!! you need to feel empowered with whatever decision you go with...

gosh i hope this comes across the right way...