Really want a hb but unsupported by DH and family

[*Ang*]

Men should have no counter-say in their wives' decisions about birth - it should either be support or absence.

I really feel the need to reply to this quote. TFB I understand that you had a bad experience with your birth and felt unsupported and let down by your husband and other people but I think that what you say is all a bit harsh. Shock horror there are women who would like their partners to be with them and would like to involve their husbands in the decision making process.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

And I bet those women are supported by their husbands. They have a nice dialogue: not sure about homebirth or midwife centre, let's talk about it and decide what WE want because I'm comfortable with you preferring either option. Men by all means can have input and can lead to a great birth experience - but when a man is refusing to let his partner birth the way she feels safe and supported, then he shouldn't be there.

In this case, the DH is not supportive of the birth choice of Amber4. So he shouldn't have a say in it and bully her into something she doesn't want - because it may not stop there. And it may, he may be the world's best birth support if she succumbs to this wish. But the question is - do you want to take that gamble? I did, thinking I would lose, but thinking the relationship damage would be less than if DH didn't have a say at all. But people shouldn't be put into that position - I know DH wouldn't pick a wish that didn't impact on me going ahead over him being tortured any day, so why should a woman pick it?

[Amber4]

It's a tricky scenario. In my case, first birth, DH was not the best 'support person' in a practical sense, but emotionally, he was amazing. And to be honest, I can't imagine giving birth then or now without his presence. But I do understand why some women have had to draw a line in the sand and present the two choices of either be there supportively, or don't be.

DH knows that I'm pretty headstrong when I've made up my mind and I think he will, to some extent, listen to the research I turn up. I also think that deep down, we both know that this is my decision at the end of the day.. but as you say FB, the ideal scenario would be him saying he's comfortable with me preferring either option. I'm hoping that the research I turn up, and show him, will help to achieve that... but if it doesn't, my next best scenario would be to have him say that he still has doubts about hb'ing but he will still be present and respect my choice.