Younger Couples Chat ~ January 2008 #2

**alioops** · January 17th, 2008, 10:47 AM

I agree with the other girls Sally, Nigel needs to know that u r not a doormat and will not be walked all over. if he wants his mum he can go live with her.

DH got a pay rise today

just in time too

becky · January 17th, 2008, 12:49 PM

EEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP!! Jo - 1 week 6 days, how exciting!!!!

**JCE0810** · January 17th, 2008, 12:56 PM

Becky- yeah time to start getting nervous etc, only 1 week 7 6 days until EDD, but if i dont go between now and then i've got 10 days on top of that before they'll induce

Butterfly_Princess · January 17th, 2008, 04:34 PM

BeautifulMadness Haha Bumhead, DP and i use that word for eachother!!
Sally Gee its hot here in perth, hope you didnt melt hehe. Sorry to hear about the way nigel is being

he does need to wake up and smell the roses, maybe have a chat to him like my DP suggested..might be hard getting it out, like getting blood from stone, but its well worth it in the end!! As long as you le thim know that he is able to talk to you, and that you will be there to help and support him, and wont judge him, but that you need to know what is going on in his head. I just hope that all goes well and that he really is just being shy at showing/sharing his feelings and thoughts. Guys are like that sometimes, unfortunately. He will realise, sooner or later, hopefully sooner. Your a great person, there is no reason for him to not want anything to do with you and brendan!! He may be dealing with everything thats happened in his own way :hugs:

**Early Kids** · January 17th, 2008, 05:15 PM

Not so talkative today

lol.

Thanks for all the advice ladies, muchly appreciated

Yeah it was hot, but we made it!! Just got home, got my hair cut and only spent $80 including lunch and my haircut! I'm saving for melb so didnt want to blow too much, lol!

Take care

mummycate · January 17th, 2008, 05:39 PM

Mediation went very badly. Terry and I could just not agree or come to a compromise about where Elouise will live. We couldn't even agree on which city to live in, Sydney or Brisbane. He had several factors that prevent him from moving to Brisbane and I have a huge financial concern about living in Sydney and he just had little things that added up but were not really much to concern himself with.

So his problems are:
I can't apply to transfer uni until November.
What's going to happen with the cats?
I have a support network here (Sydney).
My dad hasn't seen Elouise since she was 3 weeks old.
I don't think you can cope looking after Elouise.
My income is now only $250 a week as I had to cut back on work, so I can't afford to rent.

His positives are:
He lives with his parents so he has a roof over his head without having to do much for it.
My mother can help me out looking after Elouise.

My problems are:
My income is not that much, purely on welfare.
I will need to pay rent, electricity, water, gas, phone, internet, food, clothing, Elouise' other thingies and private health.
I also don't have a lot of support in Sydney.
I will have to work to earn enough money to pay all my bills, so then I will hardly see Elouise.
Sydney is one of the most expensive living cities in the world, ie income and expenses are almost the same. The rent is high, is rising and there's not much available and high demand.
He collects most of the water used in his house to put on garden/flush toilet. It sits stagnant and smells revolting. (On sunday I refused to go into the bathroom because of the stink).
He has a german roach problem, yet they have been removed because his mum got pest control in.
His parents will soon be renovating the house, making it 2 storey.

My positives are:
In Brisbane I can afford to be a SAHM.
I can afford my own place.
Elouise will not be bounced from home to home each day/week/month etc.
I will not need to rely on my parents or any of my friends or family from day to day.
I will live in a stable home.
I have been Elouise' main caregiver and I will continue to be.

So of course we could not agree. The mediator rang me a little while ago to say that she will make the certificate (that says we tried mediation) so I can take it to a lawyer. The legal advice I had gotten beforehand was actually wrong and was in fact the opposite of what I'm entitled to. The mediator was trying to hint to me that but she couldn't do more than that as she's meant to be impartial and not allowed to give legal advice. So I saw legal aid after mediation and the lawyer (different lady to Monday) said that I can get Elouise back now and can keep her until the courts have come to an agreement about where she is to be placed. Bear in mind that proceedings can take anywhere from 6 months to 18 months to reach a conclusion. So I'm going to fight for Elouise, becaus I feel its in her best interest to live in one home at least for the next year or so, and have a stable home life without financial struggle and constant upheaval and uprooting. The mediator told me on the phone this afternoon "I think you'd be pleasantly surprised" regarding the court proceedings.

So today I was completely distraught during mediation, about the things Terry was pulling out against me, and then I feel very confident about court.

Btw I see a solicitor tomorrow! The legal aid lawyer picked up the phone within 2 minutes of seeing me to refer me to a solicitor. She said I qualify for legal aid and that I'm very likely to "win". Ie that I'll at least get Elouise now until the whole matter is resolved in court. So with the first lawyer saying that if I move to Brisbane and take Elouise, Terry can file to have her returned to him as she'll be too far from her dad. Yet the second legal aid lawyer said that it doesn't matter and what matters is who is the main caregiver and who will be the majority caregiver in the future (both me).

So going rom a totally **** mediation to being confident in getting Elouise back, I feel pretty good now.

Thanks for reading this saga and for all of your support and advice.

Oh and he tells me that Ellie's rash is back. Thanks for telling me :rollseyes:. And yesterday she had 24 scoop of milk. Normally she has 3x4=12!!! "She was hungry, she's going through a growth spurt". I told him, offer her more water and more food, 3 meals and two snacks, because we're meant to wean her off the formula not increase it! And she was having a bottle every 3 hours! I can't believe it. I'm not saying I told you so, but I did mention that he'd have her back on snacking. I knew it would happen and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I bloody hope I get her back into routine. At least he is getting her to have 2x1.5hr naps and she is sleeping well.

**Early Kids** · January 17th, 2008, 06:57 PM

:hugs: Big Hugs Cate. i'm so sorry mediation didn't go well. I wish you all the best for the courts. meanwhile, i wouldn't leave her with him. (but thats just me, a b!tch)

Take Care

**Early Kids** · January 17th, 2008, 06:58 PM

Oh and just remember you are her mother and her main caregiver so far, thats gotta hold for something!!

**JCE0810** · January 17th, 2008, 07:03 PM

Cate-

for you, sorry that mediation didnt go well & that Terry is being such a PITA. The courts are on your side as far as i know. I figured that Terry wouldnt stick to the routine you'd had her in and let her snack etc, such a PITA and means when you do get her back it will take you longer to get her back into the routine you had before he went to stay with her dad.

**reganelizabeth** · January 17th, 2008, 07:43 PM

Hey all
Cate - I don't know your entire situation, but I would have never thought a father could take a child away from his/her mother. I would think you have every right to live wherever is easiest for you. Your arguments are clearly more logical than Terry's, so I'm sure any court would make the right decision.
Big

for you!

**Early Kids** · January 17th, 2008, 11:28 PM

It's really quiet in here tonight, hope all is well.

BTW, Cate have been thinking bout ya hun

I really hope all goes your way.

Take Care

**Daydream Believer** · January 18th, 2008, 07:22 AM

Cate - Hopefully you'll get Elouise back into a routine fairly quickly. By the sounds of things it should go in your favour in court. Good Luck!!!

**BeautifulMadness** · January 18th, 2008, 08:09 AM

lol meg ah i couldnt think of anythign else to put in so thats what came to mind lol

Cate- Sorry it didnt go too well....he should think whats best for his daugther. ahhh poor lil girl. hope it all works out

**Early Kids** · January 18th, 2008, 08:23 AM

Good morning ladies

How is everyone today???
I'm a little excited, yesterday I received my first parcel of MCN'S

they are so cute Brendan is wearing one now and isn't screaming yet for a nappy change, which is what happened when I used traditional cloth

WooHooo!

Take Care

**Kazmar** · January 18th, 2008, 08:29 AM

Cate: U'll b fine courts r always on the mother's side even if there a druged out hoe bag and since ur not one off those theres no reason y ur lil angel wont b with u. The courts will just tell the x 2 deal with the fact that ur moving and they'll probley tell u that u have 2 let Elouise c him a certain amount of times a yr. Good luck and stay positive, thinking about u and keeps us posted!

**Kazmar** · January 18th, 2008, 08:32 AM

now WTF can i do about annabelle waking up every ****ing hr during the night i and is right down screaming in her cot i cant handle it agrrrrrrrrrr! She wont ****ing sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!