Hi Everyone,

Maggie I could so relate to your comments about your friend falling pregnant by accident and the resentment (I think it's great that your husband made the joke... do you think they understood it?
Hi Guys,
My husband and I asked friends over on Saturday. On the phone my friend said 'oh, by the way, did you know that I'm pregnant?'. I didn't know. She and her partner don't live together and last I'd heard my friend was debating whether or not to renew her own lease or move in with her boyfriend. She told me on the phone that it was 'an accident'. I instantly regretted my invite. She knew what my husband and I were going through and to hear that she was pregnant without even trying or necessarily wanting it really hurt.
I struggled through the evening but loved DH when upon greeting them that night, he said 'Congratulations! We hate you of course but congratulations!' It was said as a joke but I was glad that he spoke some of our hurt and I'm sorry to say it- resentment.

I probably won't be going out of my way to spend too much time with them now. Not because they aren't great people, they are, but because it's extra hurt I don't need right now.

Given what we're going through I think we're all entitled to that.

Maggie
My ex girlfriend got pregnant on her first attempt with that donor (but she had tried once with another donor and once through a clinic). For me it felt like it has been easy for her (and I paid all costs associated with the 2 private donor inseminations - travel, hotels etc.) For her successful attempt we actually made it into a family holiday (our donor lives in NSW and we are in Victoria) and took time off work to have 10 days away so by the time we got home she only had a few days of her 2 ww left. It meant that she was able to completely relax during that time and I think this was part of the reason it was successful. When I started attempting AI with the same donor I couldn't afford to take much time off work and never got to turn it into a holiday. I was stressed the whole time as it was always a last minute rush to get to Sydney for insemination and I do believe this effected my chance of success. As a result I have found it difficult not to be resentful of her and her son.
She is now talking about trying for number 2 in September/October. I have been honest with her and told her that I don't think I will cope with seeing her much if she did get pregnant again and I still hadn't had success in my own journey. I acknowledged it sounds selfish but I am just being honest about how I feel... I am already struggling with feelings of resentment towards her and if she had another child easily it would just compound them.
It is hard isn't it... we want to be "good supportive friends" but sometimes it's not possible.
I concieved my 13yr old daughter by accident and I realise that some people might resent me for that. I was 22 when I got pregnant. She is the best thing to ever happen to me and I am eternally grateful for her. I think I have always been acutely aware of how lucky I was to concieve her and I assumed it would be just as easy when I decided to try for another... how wrong I was. I kept all her baby stuff because I always knew I wanted another child and I can't believe someone's friend asked for their baby stuff because you won't be needing it! Until you are completely comfortable giving up that dream don't give anything away because giving that stuff away is a way of giving up your dream.
Years ago, before I had started my TTC journey but was thinking about my options, I was friends with a woman who had been going through IVF for years. I shared her hope, her tears, her resentment of other staff getting pregnant easily - like one woman who had a 9 month old and announced she was going to start trying for number 2 that month and then the following month announced she was pregnant again! Completely insensitive to what others might be going through.
Just a few weeks ago I had to evict a housemate because she hadn't paid her rent for a month. She then told me she couldn't move her furniture because she was pregnant. She had told me she was lesbian when she first moved in so I was confused since she had never said she was trying and she knew that I was going through IVF. Anyway I said "I didn't know you were trying?" and she said "I wasn't" - so obviously she's not a lesbian at all (maybe bisexual). That hurt so bad because it felt so unfair that this irresponsible woman who smokes and drinks and can't even pay her rent to keep a roof over her head, could get pregnant like that... it seems unfair because I wonder how she will be a good mother.
I know I will provide a great life for my child (as I have for my 13 yr old daughter) and I don't understand why it is so hard for some of us who would be good parents and so easy for some who won't be good parents.

Lori
DD 13
Started donor search Dec 06, Started donor insemination Jan 09, Started IVF Feb 10 - 1st IVF -BFN and no frosties