Hey SaraJane,

I'm so sorry i didn't end up writing that big long post that i had been planning on - things are just a little crazy with a toddler & newborn (i barely get time to shower, let alone use the computer!).

I'll give you a brief rundown quickly whilst they are asleep, and then I'll try and get on later to write a lot more, and answer any questions.

Basically in Judaism you abstain from all forms of touching your spouse when you are bleeding. This blood has to come from the uterus, not from say a scratch in the vagina. When you see blood (has to be over a certain size, around the size of a circle between a 5c and 10c coin), you are considered a niddah (spiritually unclean, has nothing to do with being physically dirty or anything like that, it is just a really bad translation of the word).

From then on you cannot touch your spouse - so no holding hands, kissing, marital relations etc. You do not sleep in the same bed. Technically the torah Prohibition during this time is only marital relations, all the other laws are from the rabbi's, to basically put a fence around the law to make it easier to keep (i.e. if you were hugging and kissing in bed, it might be hard not to have relations). You also don't pass things to each other during this time.

You must wait until you stop bleeding (the minimum time you wait must be 5 days, the longest is til when you are not bleeding anymore). Then you count 7 'clean days', where you wear white underwear, sleep on white sheets. At the end of the 7 days, you go and immerse in a ritual bath (mikvah), and then you are considered 'tahor' (spiritually pure). Before you immerse in the mikvah you have a bath for an hour and clean yourself everywhere (cut nails, wash hair etc), so once again, going to mikvah has nothing to do with being physically clean or dirty.

That is basically it. Men go to mikvah also, (obviously nothing to do with periods), some men go every day, some only go before holy days. After childbirth you must wait at least 7 days if you have had a boy before you count the clean days, and 14 days if you had a girl. Most people bleed for a lot longer than this after a baby though, so in reality it doesn't matter what you had, most people don't go before 6 weeks.

Anyway, there is a whole lot more to it, this is just very brief. There are a lot of benefits from keeping this - Jewish women have a significantly lower rate of cervical cancer than the general population (mainly because you notice if you bleed mid-cycle and you get it checked out a lot earlier.. you are also a lot more aware of your cycles etc). There is the benefit that you have relations generally around when you ovulate. There is also the benefit in abstinence within marriage, as it makes relations something special as you can't have it all the time. Even touching hands means something a whole lot more if you haven't touched your spouse for 6 weeks because you had a baby. There is a significantly lower rate of divorce within the religious community (maybe for this and a variety of different reasons). A lot of non Jewish marriage councillors realise the value in this and recommend periods of abstaince to revive a marriage.

Anyway, like i said, there is a lot more to it, this is just a brief outline. If you look up 'Jewish family purity' or something like that, there is probably more of it on the web.

Just a note in case you know anyone religious: This is normally a subject that is not really discussed within the community for a reason of modesty. New brides and grooms and people becoming religious are taught about it one on one by somebody who keeps the laws and has done a course (i have done this), but you don't generally talk about it with your friends or anything, you don't tell people if you are bleeding or not, because you don't want people to know about when you were with your spouse. Sometimes you need to tell people (rabbi if you are having problems with the laws, gyno if you are bleeding a lot (obviously only if your gyno knows what you are talking about), the lady at the mikvah who helps you), but that is about it. So I wouldn't bring this up with somebody cos they might be a little shocked. The only reason i posted this stuff here is because 1) it came up from the discussion on pregnancy and 2) this information is available on the net anyway.

Ok, have to run, need to get everything done before the kiddies wake up.

If you have any questions i am always happy to answer them.