I think what the tradition is alluding to is that "absence can make the heart grow fonder". Maybe if more women didn't feel under constant pressure to "have relations" then they would actually be willing to engage during the window of opportunity and the husbands might end up "getting more" in the long run.
Something that is interesting for DW and I is that we decided to no longer use birth control and trust G_d with our fertility. Since then DW has not felt like pressure or that she was just an object. It's not that I was actually viewing or treating her that way, but phsycologicaly she felt that way when she knew there was not much of a chance of PH (due to BC). Anyhow, not sure what that is worth but just throwing it out there.