Oh sweety Well no step children here, and I'd hate to be walking in your shoes right now and you can tell me shut up but this is JMO. I would say letting a hormonal 12yo go and live in a caravan with very little parental supervision to get up to God knows what is 1. probably exactly what she wants and 2. a very bad idea. It would probably be the easier option right now given your situation with the arguing and having a new baby, but I think she needs your tough love. I'd tell her it is because you love her and want to protect her that you want her to stay home with you. Given that XH is living in a caravan at the back of his parents house, I'm guessing he probably isn't the most responsible person, can you trust him to keep her inline in these tentative years? Can he provide for her and be there for her? I don't doubt that he loves her and would probably love for her to come and stay but as they say "Love don't pay the rent"!! What hours is he working?
If she's this hormonal I would get her to the Doctors quick smart and gert her on the pill, not for birth control but for regulation of those hormones. My 11yo is only really just starting with the whole hormomal crap and can be quite nasty, I'm hoping it won't be a perminent fixture.
I think if you let go now you might lose her. I know it's hard but maybe she really needs some one on one time with you, just the two of you, it might help with some harmony as she will feel loved and wanted. And remember the hormones aren't here forever and one day that sweet little girl will return to you.
I say give her boundaries but be flexible and don't let let cross the line, tough love is needed. I wouldn't play her game, Just be calm when speaking to her as soon as you yell she has won.If you stay calm and consistant she will learn that she can't break you. You are the adult she is the child and right now she thinks she rules the nest, she needs to be bought back into line and not given her own way on this one. I don't envy you right now and wish you luck, maybe some other mums have different ideas to me, I just think leting her go is the easy option, but definitely not in her best interests.
Good Luck
:hugs:
sweety Well no step children here, and I'd hate to be walking in your shoes right now and you can tell me shut up but this is JMO. I would say letting a hormonal 12yo go and live in a caravan with very little parental supervision to get up to God knows what is 1. probably exactly what she wants and 2. a very bad idea. It would probably be the easier option right now given your situation with the arguing and having a new baby, but I think she needs your tough love. I'd tell her it is because you love her and want to protect her that you want her to stay home with you. Given that XH is living in a caravan at the back of his parents house, I'm guessing he probably isn't the most responsible person, can you trust him to keep her inline in these tentative years? Can he provide for her and be there for her? I don't doubt that he loves her and would probably love for her to come and stay but as they say "Love don't pay the rent"!! What hours is he working?
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