I would give the counsellor XP's number and letting them break the news of the recommendation, and then follow it up by telling him he needs to either pull his socks up HARD and be a father to her, or step out of her life. The fact that he hasn't even called on her birthday (my XP takes DD's birthdays off work and shows up at 8am to do presents, AND he stays with us on Christmas Eve to be there for Christmas morning....) is very revealing of his interest ATM. Do keep in touch with his mum, it's likely she's quite attached to your DD, especially as she's doing so much of the care.
As an aside WTF! What kind of man can't give up his sex life ONCE A FORTNIGHT for his CHILD?
Mine now rarely goes to visit her dad - she doesnt want to stay the night and she has told him this. This whole year I think she slept there... 3 times?
Is it a very regular thing, or do you always contact each other to confirm? I used to find that I was always chasing up x to see if he was having her - stopped doing that and now we only hear from him every so often. Like your DD, mine comes home upset and says she doesnt want to go there anymore (she hates her step brother).....
Because I now leave it up to him to confirm, she probably goes for a day visit every 4-6 weeks, but doesnt stay overnight. She is much much happier that way.
GL
oh p s- unless he gets a court order to take her, he can't
get the counsellor to put their recommendation in writing, then arrange mediation with your XP through family relationships au or something similar. get it put in writing via a parenting plan that you are to have 100% custody and WHY so that he can't come back in six months and give you grief.
if you want to get advice that is more technical, contact the family relationships advice line - they have advisors who can look at your actual circs and help you out there. i wouldn't NOT just send your DD as he can cause you all grief as you are "witholding" his child..
Have a chat with DD and let her know she doesn't have to go, let the stupid man fight for visitation (but it doesn't sound like he will - the ahole). Did the councellor give you any help with what to say to her about it?
Will the councellor write a letter giving his recommendation? If so, maybe you can post it off to the mother to explain why you are stopping the visits to HIM, but not her?
Post a picture up of him, then if any BB girls recognize him, they can kick him in the gonads for you xoxoxoxoxo
Lulu he chooses to see his partner instead of spending time with his beautiful daughter when he only GETS to see her 20ish times a year. I doubt he even HAS gonads....
It sounds like an awful situation & really men need a child responsibility chip implanted sometimes.
My sisters Xp sounds similar, can't decide if he wants to see the kids or not they see his mum more regularly then him.
Anyway... can you speak to the counsellor again? cause I think if you stop all visitation it could cause more grief, could you discuss with the counsellor the pro's & con's of day visits for a few hours, once a month, every few weeks? Does your DD like her xp's mum, could that become a semi regular thing so instead of going with dad & being hurt when she get's dumped her visit is with her grandmother IYKWIM?
I really hope things improve & please give your DD some extra big hugs from us
Kittn3 : he never contacts us, if anyone rings its his MUm to arrange weekend visits, this has been happening for the last 3 years and gradually got worse.
Njd: we have been working with him about his visits for the last year, my DD wrote him a letter while with the councilor, then we posted it to him, it was basically her telling him she loved him and was feeling hurt that he wouldnt spend time with her, DD saw the letter open on the kitchen table but it was never spoken about.
I will be telling her Nana that she is most welcome to come visit DD and to take her out on day trips etc, but she will no longer be sleeping, we will see what her dad does about it, i have a feeling he will just let it slide as it will be easier for him.
I will arrange a meeting with the councilor again to see if she can put her findings in writing , then i will go see my lawyer again, he told me i can stop visits if it is doing emotional or physical damage and frankly it is doing both.
I had a good talk to him a yr ago, I told him he needed to step up and start seeing her and spending time with her or as she got older she wouldnt want anything to do with him, he said yeah and then did nothing. I have put up with his half ars88d efforts for 8 yrs now and my poor DD has suffered for this long i think enough is enough . How many chances can you give.
You are doing the right thing Tania - and you always have when it comes to access to your baby (!) girl. Whatever you do from here will be the right thing too.
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they see his mum more regularly then him.
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