I would give the counsellor XP's number and letting them break the news of the recommendation, and then follow it up by telling him he needs to either pull his socks up HARD and be a father to her, or step out of her life. The fact that he hasn't even called on her birthday (my XP takes DD's birthdays off work and shows up at 8am to do presents, AND he stays with us on Christmas Eve to be there for Christmas morning....) is very revealing of his interest ATM. Do keep in touch with his mum, it's likely she's quite attached to your DD, especially as she's doing so much of the care.

As an aside WTF! What kind of man can't give up his sex life ONCE A FORTNIGHT for his CHILD?

Bx