I think its a fair enough statement though, I'm not meaning to bag you, but whatever the situation, trying to maintain a decent relationship with kids with so little time isn't going to be easy.
It must be a fantastic job to want to risk your relationship with your children for it, especially if you know this chick to be a fruit loop (who the hell tells children that their father is dead???). You need to be able to extend your connection with these kids even further so not only do they know that (sick) information is not true, but so they have a sense of normality for at least some of the time.
At the very worst you might have to change your jobs around (hey, I dunno the real circumstances) - and for that you could change so much for these children, you could be the refuge from the crap they must have to deal with on a daily basis. You could be there for them, by just being there.
As much as I hate saying this - I have to give credit to my exH. His wife was a feckin fruit loop, would shack up with anyone, move interstate at the drop of a hat yadda yadda yadda . ExH would travel as far, he would do what he had to, to maintain the consistency with is son, he never wanted him to think that her life was NORMAL and that's what he had to look forward to. I know how precious that time was to SDS, he could relax, he could be himself and as soon as he could - he ran straight to his dads to live for good....and they all lived happily ever after.
I understand I've probably offended the crap out of you, but I don't mean to. You don't have to respond to this, I'm not demanding answers. Just giving you a different perspective.
Hi Ladies just thought id update you as i saw the post again.
Funnily enough i had a long hard talk to exs MUm, she understood where i was coming from and said she was fine as long as she could still see DD.
Well all the fun began again this week.
DD went to visit her Dad and his mum for Christmas, I thought being Christmas its only fair that they have a day with her, well her Dad took her out to the beach for the day. She said she had fun but that Nana and Dad kept telling her to ring me and ask to sleep, she told them no she wasnt allowed to sleep.
Her dad then asked her if she would be allowed to go see his partner, when DD said No he replied "ah well you wont ever get to see your halfsister". WTF.....
Why would you say this to a 10 yr old.
Anyway his Mum called yesterday and spoke to DD and asked what time she could pick her up, when DD said she wasnt coming her Nana replied oh your Dad will be sad though.
Again WTF.
So today she rings again and speaks to me ( i was in the shower yesterday)
I say to her I had this conversation with you and told you she would not be coming anymore, she tells me how EX has improved. WTF he has DD for one day and takes her out and im supposed to see that as improving. I tell her i dont think so. I also tell her that when DD comes to visit they should all keep their mouths shut and just enjoy her instead of the emotional blackmail. I state that if this continues i will stop all contact.
Argggggg I can not believe this family.
a) ex never rings to arrange visists, he gets his MUm too
b) I have spoke to his MUm and she agreed
c) they forget and think i will just let them do what they want.
d) my poor darling DD is suffering and is made to feel guilty for not going to see her Dad.
It's just not right. Especially after you talked to the mother.
They know what you want, they probably know its the right thing to do, but they want their own way no matter what and will more than likely hassle you and DD until they get sick of it
Does the mother defend her son?? Does she agree with what he does?
heres my perspective as a child who doesnt speak to my dad. hes selfish and not there for me but is with my 2 sisters.
he always critises me, and he didnt even contact me on xmas or my 21st birthday. he even got married without tell us till get back from honeymoon..he knows i wont listen to his whinges about how bad my life is...i might be unwell and on morphie - he doesnt care..but i do have a caring,loving dp, a brilliat mother and sisters and brother and adorable nieces and nephews...hes divorced now, his daughters dont really bother with him and i cant stand him.
sorry what im trying to say is she will and i think already does see him for what he is. and she will end up not seeing him at all through his neglect of her...not physically i mean mentally.
she sounds like a bright girl and if this is hurting her id stop her seeing him. hes a div if he cant even spend time with his precious daughter then hes losing out because she will resent and reject him.
hope its gets sorted soon.
love rach xxxxx
Lulu yes Ex Mil defends her son, but she says she doesnt agre with him and has had words with him.
Today i took my daughter around to visit her Nana, I left her alone there for a few hours as the boys were getting restless. First i get a phone call from DD asking if she can sleep the night, I had to say no as she has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning . Then MIl brings her home, and she starts on me asking me if DD is coming over this weekend cause her Dad is sad and misses her, I say no. She says oh he knows the rules now, I tell her he has known the rules for 8 yrs. She then says cant he have a second chance how can he prove himself. I tell her he should have thought about that first, that this is not about a dog or a toy but MY CHILD. I tell her he is a big grown man now same age as me so he can deal with it like i have to. If he wants to discuss it he can contact me. I will talk to ex MIL about her seeing DD but not about ex. He has to grow up and make contact instead of hiding behind his MUmmy.
Grrrrrrrrrr once again what could have and should have been a good day out for my DD gets ruined by silly adults.
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. ExH would travel as far, he would do what he had to, to maintain the consistency with is son, he never wanted him to think that her life was NORMAL and that's what he had to look forward to. I know how precious that time was to SDS, he could relax, he could be himself and as soon as he could - he ran straight to his dads to live for good....and they all lived happily ever after.
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