should i go to brothers home

[sue1386]

i hear you and we could wish it was so but the reality is the same

i've done it before
and it left me each time such a mess for days after

i remember hearing a specialist in trauma say ' priority number one is dont retraumatise'

enjoying his hospitality is one way of seeing it

but the reality is that its not at all experienced that way by us

its a bit like mary antoinette saying if they dont have food let them eat cake
he is so unaware , blind and wanting to be blind to what we go through

we dont feel his joy that his child has come back from overseas when we are going through much more basic pain and he has not shown any care or given releif to us when we have and do still suffer so much for basics.
we just feel pain that he is so out of touch with what we have and are going through and just totally overlooks it all as if its not there.

with someone else maybe we could go and enjoy hospitality
or maybe not, we are overworked, tired, and burdened with the struggle for basics and for whats gone one because of what we go through. in the last 12 months alone we have gone through so much. we need to be around kind compassionate understanding people not people who love to show off how fabulous their life is and have show no care or understanding for us no matter what we are going through. a couple of years ago he had such theories about kids having all their needs taken care of so that they can think of higher things, but did he help us at all with his theories no. My son was so sick at the time and he put on alot of weight from the medication and needed twice to buy entire new clothes , underwear, singlets, paints, tops, school uniform, church clothes, twice twice i had to buy bigger sizes in a small space of time and there were so many other expenses and trauma connected with all this, and i begged my brothe rfor help and he didnt help at all. this is just one of so many needs along the years that pains me so much, - me and my children being for years so traumatised and so sick from not enough funds and the stress it caused on our health together with other traumas, and he just dances his life away with no though to what we go through. for basics.

but visiting h him its so full of emotions and pain not just of past we are still suffering now struggling to keep a food over our head and basics going and dealing with so much we have been through even this year and he is just so so blind to it all and so selfish.

we need comfort on our level and not to be told to come and celebrate with him when we are exhausted and suffering.

it reminds me a bit of a story i once hear of a very rich brother who came to a family wedding in all his splendor leaving another sibling to come to the wedding in their shame and povery and the parents werent happy that one brother could be so blind to the need of the others and the parents did not enjoy the splendor he came to the wedding with, as he didnt assit the brother to come in a reasonable way aswell.

we have tried again and again to go and not feel all the upset, and it has never ever worked. we are never as great a mess as we are after going there as the trauma for us is so huge of what we go through alone without support while he lives it up very nearby showing no compassion care understanding throught or relief for us.