he doesnt suffer when we go there. he has no clue what we go through and how it trumatises us to be around him.

it is a lovely theory that we choose how we will feel

but with trauma what others dont understand is that there is a whole set of other thigns that happen with the triggering of cortisol and traumatic memories that peole dont often understand. i remember once a psychologist said she wanted me to fill otu a form about ptsd and i could tick every one except one.

I guess every time this comes up i wish it was differnt but the practise shows taht no matter how much i try to have other emotions and keep reactions distant it is nto the way it happens.

i had a relative who was a very positive happy strong person and yet i was surprised by instant tears that would flow when certain memories were triggered. people dont understand the effect of cortisol and trauma.