thanks for your kind words
i wish it was otherwise so i always think about it. we have an ideal picture of how we wish we could be but the reality is that this is a very toxic situation for me. i have some peace when i am by myself or with people who are on track with me and my life . but around him its just full of pain.

just the thought of my brother raises so much trauma for me and i ahvent forgotten how traumtised i was after last time going there which i beleive was 16 months ago.

and yes its just connected to so so so so so much me and my children went through for many years and still ongoingly and how close he lived and what a lavish lifestyle he has led and yet he has been totally deaf dumb blind to us sstruggling for basics.
Last year i asked if he could help towards a $30 heater my young daugher who has a baby needed and he didnt respond or give any help. he is too busy laughing and dancing and socialising and having a great life to think of a sister and nephews and neices who live right near to him

we are all hard workers that do our best , we are not drunkards or lazy but we have been through so so much and its taken a massive toll on us all.

once one of my kids were at my brothers home and my child thought that certain luxurious expensive foods would be shared out like a special treat like it would be in our home, and found out that they are standard fare there that they can have as much as they want. my child said taht his life is so extremely different to our life that no wonder he has no compassion or understanding. but its not true there are people from all walks who are capable of compassion and care.

i want my brother to have a good life
but our pain is that we suffered so much right next to him and he didnt releive us. it would have meant so much to us if he would have shown some regular care, releif support and caring words
and instead the pain of having a brother so close while we suffered so much, who was living such a lavish luxurious lifestyle is very traumatic for us.

my kids were hospitalised fighting for sanity with trauma we went through, not wanting to live
and his kids could thrive with every luxury and the biggest problem they had was what peice of jewellery to buy on their overseas trips.

how can someone enjoy so much with no though towards a sister and her children drowning so severely for so long for basics

no he wasnt at war overseas. he had a gap year and the 2 parents even went and visited him during that year! we dont have any interest/excitement in his coming back. our thoughts are with much more basic issues of survival. we feel only pain connected with my brother. i kept my pain silently but my kids have made their own conclusions and when i mention my brother they also say how much they hate them because he only cares about himself.

the wife is a good wife and mother but she is high maintenance. she was raised with little in a rich school and grew up wanting wht the other rich kids have. my brother is not the one always pushing for a new and bigger house car overseas trips etc. i dont want my brother to get a divorce but truly his behavoir has been so so so traumatic for us while we have gone through so much for basics.