well to answer your first part

i guess an invitation is not an obligation

but i have so few friends
most couldnt take how exhausted i always was from overwork and raising a bunch of kids on my own while being dragged by my ex through court for years or through his dramas

so its nice to go out and i feel obligated

but truly i shouldnt even consider it as it does traumatise me

i need peace time peace and time as much as possible

i dont need more obligations expecially ones taht really really upset me so so much.

i tried for years to talk to him , it was like talking to a wall or worse

every counsellor i went to heard about my pain of having a brother and yet suffering so much alone. it would have been less painful to not have a brother than to have one who didnt show any care or understanding

what was worse is he likes to be seen as special in his community and i would hear form other sole parents who he helped them so much when they came to live here from elsewhere?!

my kids hate him too becaus eof his extreme lavishness yet selfishness and the extent we suffered, with kids and my health suffering so much to the extent of needing huge amount of care, cousnelling medication and hospitalisation from so much trauma for years, and yet his kids biggest problem was which peice of jewellery will they choose on their overseas trip

we want him to have a good life
but the lack of care while we suffered so much and he lived so closeby just truly adds so much salt to our wounds and has done for decades.