Do you find this rude?

[Just Me]

Limeslice - I guess the thing that seems so strange is that they are going to all the trouble of hiring a hall but then not providing the food themselves. As you said, it is expensive - why not have it at a park (that is free) and provide the food themselves.

I also think the invitation wording is a little strange saying that it is an afternoon tea and then asking everyone to bring a plate.

I agree, it is not a lot of work to organise a plate of fairy bread, but as I said in my last post, if it is really that easy, why don't the mum's just do it themselves? Afterall, there are 3 of them to sort it out.

I do think it is very commendable though that you share your opinion even if it does go against what everyone else says . . . that takes a lot of guts.

[briggsy's girl]

Just want to throw this out there...

These women are providing a place for the party, plates, cups, napkins, cutlery, drinks, party bags/favours...decorations....cakes....party games (prizes for pass the parcel, whatever), music...
They are undoubtedly not relying on parents to bring ALL the food for all the children, so will be providing some food themselves, lollies, chips etc...
They are supervising all those children.

these "children" are 10 years old - how many party games do you really think there will be? i can't recall the last time i was at a party for a child of that age where party games were the go. it's more likely to be a bit of a disco type thing - music, food, gossip and giggles. my niece is 9 this year and would be embarrassed to have party games - she wants a sleep over or disco type thing.

the costs for all these items are being divided THREE WAYS already so the parents are getting out of it for a third of the cost of doing it solo. i can't see each "guest" getting three party bags/favours - they'll still only get one!

No all of things are a given at any child's birthday party, but I honestly dont see the issue with asking parents to bring a plate of fairy bread as well?
Surely we are not begrudging parents the opportunity to put on a birthday party because they need others to bring some food out of necessity?

10 year old girls, as a rule, won't eat much. most won't eat fairy bread (that's baby/little kids food) - they'll want chips and cup cakes and things. if these parents can't split a bit of food three ways then they shouldn't have organised the party at all. let's be realistic here - they are asking EVERYONE to bring a plate to share - now, if everyone brings a plate, what necessity is there for the parents to supply anything. unless the expectation (as outlined in the "bringing a plate ettiquette" thread recently) is to not use all the food on the day. if every child invited brings a plate/packet of bikkies/bag of chips there is no way it will all be used in 3 hours - so either a heap of food goes to waste, or the parents get out of it damn cheap cos they just pack it all up, take it home, and use it for their family (yes, it's judgemental, but really??? let's be logical here!)

I really think the presents are irrelevant - there is never a question of giving the children presents or not. It is a birthday party, you bring a gift. $10 is hardly breaking the bank if you only buy 1 present for the child your DD is friends with. If she s friends with all 3 and would have gone to 3 parties, then you take 3 presents.
The food OR presents thing is really silly quite frankly.

WHY are presents a given? as mentioned already, the children may be better friends with child X, and only barely friends with child Y and Z - and yet there will be an expectation that similar presents or presents of similar value are bought for all three. whether that means cutting back on what is bought for child X to ensure that all three get similar, or increasing money spent on children Y and Z, either way, there is going to have to be compromise either on the value of presents you would normally buy for someone special, or on your personal budget. adding food to the mix, even just a couple of dollars can, for some, really impact on the budget!

When I was a child it was the norm to ask people to bring a plate. Not hard, nor expensive - it isnt about bringing something that will feed everyone, just about contributing to the event, which I think is more than reasonable.
It is certainly not bad manners to ask someone to bring a plate, how ridiculous.
The notion that "these women are getting off with a cheap day" to me is much ruder than asking parents to bring a plate or fairy bread. It isnt cheap to throw a kids Birthday party in the first place.

a childrens birthday party will only cost as much as you allow it to cost. you can do a damn good childrens party without needing to spend a fortune. you don't need to do themes, you don't need to go overboard - kids don't CARE unless you encourage them to care. their favourite character might be the Bratz characters, but only if you give in and say "yup, we'll give you a Bratz party" is it going to cost you a fortune. it's just as easy to say "if we have all this stuff, you can only have a small party, if we use plain stuff, we can have more people" - kids, especially 10 year olds, know how this kinda thing works and it's only down to the parents making the decision to go overboard that children expect it. i was in Karratha for my nieces 7th birthday - we were staying with her and her parents for her birthday and made the decision to pay for her party for her as my brother wouldn't take money for anything else. yes, it was a couple of years ago now, but the costing would be similar now. getting balloons, streamers, food, cake etc for 15 kids and their parents, we spent less than $100. now, that was for one child. if there are three children but still the same number of guests, you MIGHT find, with inflation, it cost $40 to $50 per family for a similar situation. we didnt' get character plates, we just got plain old plates and guess what - the kids didn't notice. we got more expensive balloons (link-a-loons cos they're fun!), colored streamers etc - it wasn't that exxy really. as i said, a kids party is ONLY as expensive as you allow it to be, and if you choose to have an expensive party, YOU should wear the costs.

Would you think it was less rude if the hosts said "sorry we cant afford to feed your child while she is at the party, so there will be no food" instead?

Just my thinking.

to be honest, yeah i would! i'd prefer for someone to be open about the situation! would i judge - hell no! would i OFFER to help - probably. but making an offer to bring something and having it a condition of an invite - waaaaaaaaaaay different. this party is from 1-4 anyway - how much food do you think is needed? kids will eat what is there, but if it's not there, they're going to enjoy the reason for being there - the PARTY not the snacks!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Im in two minds.

But for me, the big question is, are you sure they're not thinking parents will stay as well and that the 'bring a plate' is so that the parents can have afternoon tea together. It seems like a perfect occassion for parents to have a gathering as well.....?

I don't think it would annoy me if it had not included "afternoon tea included".
By saying that then contradicting it with bring a plate... that is what annoys me.

[helle]

The mothers are all friends apparently. DD is friends with all 3 of them. I have no issue buying them all a present whatsoever.

I am copying what the invite says below:

Dear DD

You are invited to celebrate the 10th birthdays of Girls 1, 2 & 3

On ______

At 'the hall'

From 1pm-4pm
which includes afternoon tea
Please bring a plate of food to share

RSVP....Yada yada yada

So on the invite they say afternoon tea is PROVIDED yet you must bring a plate. That's what is annoying me i think.

Aaah, see that would annoy me too! I'd have no problem taking a plate of food... but that invite is a bit.. yeah! Basically it says it includes afternoon tea if you bring it yourself ><;

[Jahzara]

Now that i have read what the invite says - i still feel the same -

It seems to me that if you want to attend the party then you supply your own food or you dont come. User pays !!!

I agree with bringing a plate if it was a combined BBQ at a mates house (adults) cause usually everyone just chucks in.
BUT when it comes to a childs birthday party that you sent out invites to then you dont expect people to supply food if they want to come.
Thats part of throwing a kids party - you supply everything and the guests come and have fun.
If it comes down to the expense - think of a cheaper option.
Maybe a sleepover with a friend each or a fun day out at the park together.
The kids will have fun regardless - it doesnt have to be a huge party.

Halls here for kids parties cost around $30 for the time slot.
We hired a hall for DS#2's 5th birthday and had a heap of kids come.
The kids had a ball, played games and they ate food but not heaps.
We had way too much food. The party was held on the day i was due with DS#3 and i still managed to organise it and supply all the food myself. I had help on the day which obviously had to be pre organised incase i was in hospital on the day.
I would not have asked for other kids to bring a plate.
Like i said in my last post - when your kids become school age it becomes a whole different ball game. There can be alot of expectation and alot of $ involved. You always seem to be putting your hand in your pocket.
If you choose to throw a party for your child then do it if you can afford it yourself - not at others expense.
Still think its wrong.

[tattoo_mama]

i dont have much of a problem with the bringing food part, but i know from a financial p.o.v i would struggle to get together money for 3 girls presents (not to mention try to think of 3 different things to buy them so when they open the presents altogether they dont get the same things!) all in one weekend...

[~Jo~]

MMM...weve had combined birthdays before and we have taken a main gift to the child who my child was friends with and a little gift for the other child who is still a friend but not as good a friend kwim? The plate thing is a bit weird..maybe they plan on having some great entertainment and prizes etc??

Jo

[maz]

ow something up my smart arse alley would kick in here!

I would be sussing out which others kid's were going and have a chat to the mothers.......and organise with them to bring a 20 pack of paper plates each....with nothing on them.

So when we would turn up to the party...i would hand the host the stack of paper plates and say

i dont thinks its hygenic for all the kids to share one plate so I bought some throw aways

and walk off smiling

I think the host would get the point if some of the mum's did it

[The[cookie]Doctor]

LMFAO that is awesome Maz

[tattoo_mama]

LOL maz

[helle]

ow something up my smart arse alley would kick in here!

I would be sussing out which others kid's were going and have a chat to the mothers.......and organise with them to bring a 20 pack of paper plates each....with nothing on them.

So when we would turn up to the party...i would hand the host the stack of paper plates and say

i dont thinks its hygenic for all the kids to share one plate so I bought some throw aways

and walk off smiling

I think the host would get the point if some of the mum's did it

hahahahahaha, what a crack up!

[AliBaby]

Maybe you could ask the mum to clarify??? Say something like...

" I might be having a blonde moment but when I was reading the invite it said afternoon tea included but to bring a plate. Do you mean that I just need to provide a plate for DD to eat off or did you want me to actually bring afternoon tea?"

Maybe then they might see that they stuffed up the invitation.

[Phteven]

I dunno. It doesn't seem so rude to me. A plate for afternoon tea isn't anything very complex or expensive. I might do it so there is more variety and I don't have to bake scones and cakes for an army.
It's not like the people who ask you to bring meat to a BBQ - now that is rude

[briggsy's girl]

It's not like the people who ask you to bring meat to a BBQ - now that is rude

that goes bacck to the context of the BBQ though - if it's a party as such, you cater. if it's an informal gathering, there is no problem with asking...

[Starfish]

Okay, throwing a spanner in the works here - what nationality are these families that are throwing the party? I'm asking because:
1) If English is not their first language then they could easily stuff up the wording of their invitation
2) The concept of "bring a plate" is a very Australian/New Zealand thing. No one else in the world (that I know of) does it, so it could be that these people are a bit confused as to how it works and don't want to offend the "locals" by not giving them the option of bringing their own food, if that makes any sense...
I know that when my family first moved to New Zealand we were very confused by the "bring a plate" thing.

Even if the families are not from foreign countires, I still don't its rude to ask to bring a plate. I read it as an "option", e.g. if your child has allergies, is fussy, or something, then they can still have something to eat and share with their friends, rather than not eating anything... JMO. Also, I'm sure everyone would still be happy for you to come and join in even if you don't bring any food.

[Phteven]

I don't think a 10yo birthday party is any more formal than a BBQ in fact I think that it's a bit less formal since it's pretty much about the children.
A BBQ without the meat is just a bunch of salad but a children's party without the plates is still a party. It's the meat that makes a BBQ but the children that make the children's party.


Starfish, would you believe that when we first arrived in the 70's we got asked to bring a plate so that's exactly what my Mum did. A plate each plus cutlery for good measure rofl. She couldn't even plead the non-Aussie thing because she was Australian but after 15 years in the UK she had forgotten her 'Straylun.

[Indadhanu]

Hmmm, well I personally would assume that I wouldn't have to bring a present if I was taking a plate. I have no issue with bringing a plate, and personally don't find that offensive at all, but if there was the implication of a plate PLUS 3 presents I'd probably think thats a bit rich! I'd do it, but I probably wouldn't put a whole lot of time or funds into the presents.

[Rouge]

Maybe I live in a snooty area... parties here, especially kids parties are very formal. Way more formal than a BBQ.

Aren't humans funny creatures We all have our little ways...