Where does your partner stand on all of this? I had problems with my MIL and struggled with DH's constant defence of her bad behaviour. It took him a lot longer than me to realise how her behaviour was affecting us individually and as a family, and now we are pretty much 'on the same page'. This, to me, is key. It's their mother. They have a far longer history and you don't want to ostracise your other half over the MIL.
we live on the other side of the world lol. BUT i do feel your pain. when we visit it is awful. like you i have tried to see beyond the immediate bad behaviour, insensitivity etc, but far out there is a limit! i let her know. rarely in confrontation, but more often with pulling her up if the judgement train is powering along too far/fast or if she is trying to instil bad body image or criticism on myself or the kids ITMS. i found it hard (as we also have language barriers that needed to be overcome) but i have now drawn a line in the sand and it has helped me know how much i am willing to accept ITMS.
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