I personally think you have written in perfectly . I am sure that you have articulated what some of us feeling down to a T! I am also traumatised. I will never be the innocent 21 year old TTC again. I will never have a pregnancy I am not terrified of losing and thanks to HG we will never think about TTC without absolute terror. After miscarrying our first bub we never got to experience the joy and exhiliration of a 'first' pregnancy. Instead it was fear, worry and too many tears.

I never realised how deep those scars of LTTTC and long term ART would run, thinking that once I was pregnant it would all be over, how wrong was I!?! What I do have to say is that thanks to LTTTC and IVF for is that whilst I am a different whilst deeply scarred person, I AM a mother, person and wife who would have been very different if I hadnt walked a long hard journey with the person I love, felt every needle, ultrasound, egg collection, laparoscopy and watched everyone fall pregnant but me. It changes you but sometimes at the end of it all you realise the few things it 'allowed' you to become too. N2L Ive watched your journey and I hope with all my heart that your baby is just around the corner