Thanks Tania for saying that! That's just how I feel..like it is a very isolating experience, because I am experiencing all these emotions and stress etc, and really noone knows or understands, or perhaps even wants to know. My main support is DH and my lovely mum...and I guess the other LTTTC friend who does understand...oh and of course, all the lovely ladies here- thank goodness for you all!
Hi, I find im distant from not only friends but also family, Most people in my life avoid telling me there pregnant and family members just tell me have sex more grrrrrrr if only they understood that all of this hurts, one good friend of mine was scared to tell me she was pregnant but we talked about it and i ended up being there for the birth of her little girl and as hard as it was it was also awsome to witness,
Oh Possums I'm with you hun.
I feel I can't talk to anyone IRL. They either don't understand, feel sorry for me or want to know what's going on when I'm not ready to share. I can't win. Since my recent ectopic, I've started some counseling. Not sure if it's going to help though. I'm so negative about everything and towards everyone. In my circle of friends I have 1 pregnant friend (that was a whole other story), 2 who are about to start TTC (the thought of them announcing their pregnancies freaks me) and others who are popping out their second.
I know I probably haven't helped but wanted you to know you are not alone. Big hugs!
i really do not think anyone really understands unless you've been thru it.
i knew of people who had done IVF and i never understood it, the emotions, the pain, and how hard it was to get pregnant.
the thing is if it wasn't for BB i think i would feel that no one really understands.
we have some friend who have been lttc for 3 years and announced preg when i had my last BFN. it was so very hard for me to be happy for her and i avoided her like the plague, only recently congratulating her.
be strong, and remember you've got your BB friends. kisses and hugs
thanks everyone. I am sorry it's just as hard for you, but relieved you understand.
sandygirl- I hope the counselling helps. I am about to see a psychologist, but like you, I have been pretty negative about most things lately. Trying to be more positive now though, since we have resumed IVF and I feel I need to try
hi possums,
just a slightly different perspective... yep we've had that lack of understnding from people when we mention it and they don't understand the massive emotional and physical toll involved. but i don't like to go into great detail and it's not theri fault they don't know... so it doesn't really bother me too much. i figure they've got issues in their lives that i don't know about as well. but my mother i'm a little less forgiving of, specially seeing she loves a drama and talking to all her friends about her "woes'' of no grandkids yet.. bbrrrhhh...
every single one of our best friends bar two had babies last year. but i didn't feel anything but happiness and joy for them. my best mate was nervous about telling me only because she didn't want to upset me. i told her not to be silly and its all good. she is a pharmacist though and has a bit more of a clue about it all. after our first cycle i told her everything (no one knew at that stage) and she was so good, she sent me a beautiful prayer (she's fairly religious) she printed out and although i'm not overly religious it meant heaps to me.
but really, we have only told one person in detail about what's happening and when. everyone else is kept at a vague "we're doing ivf sometime this year'' distance. that one friend's sister went through ivf for both her children and knew so mch. she's a very smart lady and is a great friend and I found her suppport absolutely invaluable. she's single not kids (wants all of it though) and has her own issues. we are probably the exception cos we are totally at different stages in life but seem to feed off one another and have grown much closer over hte past 12 months.
we are also living nowhere near any friends or family due to DH being in the defence forces so we can fly under the radar a bit more and only see our friends maybe once a year. but i work the phones hard and it's much easier not to let on over the phone.
in saying all this, it looks pretty rosy for us, but i'm sure i'll have a different perspective a few year's down the trakc if this current bfp (at 6wks now) doesn't work out. I"m definiely concerned about the ''left behind factor''.
hope you find something helpful in that possums. take care of you. ooxx
thanks for that perspective Grub- it's great you can approach it that way and something I need to try more
becd- thanks for understanding that perspective also
i was talking to a pregnant friend yesterday, someone who has been very understanding of my situation in the past and has previously gone through IVF and knows what its like (although ended up having a natural baby and this is natural no 2) and she was going on about her morning sickness and tiredness etc...and I just found it hard to listen and stay on and be sympathetic. I felt like shouting "at least you have a child and another healthy pregnancy!- I would LOVE that, sickness and all...compared to being where I am right now, in a land of uncertainty, doing IVF, wondering how antiphospholipid syndrome will affect things when/if we do fall pregnant again, feeling grief when I see babies etc etc. remembering painful milestones associated with past lost pregnancies".... I know that probably sounds a bit melodramatic, but it all just was bubbling under the surface... of course all I said was "oh I am sorry you are feeling so sick, and I hope it eases for you soon..."
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I'm with you hun.
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