thanks for that perspective Grub- it's great you can approach it that way and something I need to try more
becd- thanks for understanding that perspective also
i was talking to a pregnant friend yesterday, someone who has been very understanding of my situation in the past and has previously gone through IVF and knows what its like (although ended up having a natural baby and this is natural no 2) and she was going on about her morning sickness and tiredness etc...and I just found it hard to listen and stay on and be sympathetic. I felt like shouting "at least you have a child and another healthy pregnancy!- I would LOVE that, sickness and all...compared to being where I am right now, in a land of uncertainty, doing IVF, wondering how antiphospholipid syndrome will affect things when/if we do fall pregnant again, feeling grief when I see babies etc etc. remembering painful milestones associated with past lost pregnancies".... I know that probably sounds a bit melodramatic, but it all just was bubbling under the surface... of course all I said was "oh I am sorry you are feeling so sick, and I hope it eases for you soon..."
I am surprised how people just really ignore you when it comes to TTC and loss etc... I have had friends that really I feel have avoided me. Even my family is avoiding the topic. I really would rather them not as that hurts more. But on a more positive note. After feeling islated and avoided for the last month I was having trouble with my own parents and was quite upset as my stress of TTC, loss and a husband with his own health issues I was like don't these people realize what we have been going through? Then the other day I received some flowers from my dear SIL (my best friend) with a card that said "Chin up one day you are going to make a great mummy". I have to say that I was overwelhmed. I just think it took her a while to process how I was feeling and it was hard fro her to relate since she has 3 beautiful children and never had complications. So I can relate to all of you but thank goodness we have found a place to vent to people who really do know what it feels like. To all you out there "Chin up one day you will all make great mummies"
thanks teme- that was a nice gesture of your SIL. You know I was sent a lovely card after my last miscarriage by a friend, who is not even a close friend, but someone I see every so often who heard what happened. She showed more understanding than some who are closer to me. so nice surprises do happen.
I think people avoid the subject because they dont know how to handle it and are scared of saying the wrong thing. Also i think it just makes them uncomfortable
It was so good to read others experiences with friendships.
I have begun to feel like a good luck charm to everyone else- all I come into contact with becomes pregnant without even trying!!
I can handle any of the IVF procedures, but it's the isolation that has come now with my friends moving forward with making their families that is most painful. And seeing them only reminds me of my own grief. My poor friends- they can't win. I'm upset if they tell me about their pregnancy, and upset if they exclude me from it. I had one friend who told me "there's more to you and I than just being pregnant, or trying to get pregnant", which I agree with, but I think people who have been able to fall pregnant easily don't get how all consuming it can be.
And at what point do we stop hoping and focusing on other aspects of life so it's not all consuming? And how?
Of late, I've been feeling very isolated from a few friends in much the same way as you.
A few weeks ago, I had 11 friends who were pregnant - the number is going down now that the babies are being born but it's still hard.
And your situation with your infertile friend - I have a friend who had IVF at the time I had my miscarriage so she is as many weeks as I would have been if my pregnancy had stuck and that is the hardest thing. She's really good with me but I struggle to be around her sometimes. It's hard. And I'm sure it's hard for her too though.
I've got my 30th birthday coming up and want to have a big night out - lots of the pregnant ladies have told me that they won't be coming but can we do arvo tea etc. Not quite what I had in mind, and maybe I'm being selfish but I guess there is nothing I can do.
I've rambled enough but just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
Hugs
S x
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