For me the biggest lesson has been for me to forgive my friends and be grateful for whatever support a friend can offer. Forgive may sound harsh but in fact I think it is really me forgiving myself for thinking negative thoughts of my friends, hence I try not to allow myself to be hurt or read more into what is said or more importantly sometime, not said by my friends. We humans are so flawed and even with the best of intentions the way messages are received can often be far from what was intended in the giving.
I feel friendship is something we all invest much time and effort into. Over the years I have built much in the way of friendship 'capital' and I can from time to time draw down on the friendship 'interest' I have earned without wearing my friendship down or feeling bad for taking more this week than I have given IYKWIM.
My friend's' happiness is also somewhat linked to my happiness so the best thing I can do for my friendships is to be the happiest and positive I can be and also be there to support them as they go through their own life struggles, which are not on hold while I am having my own struggles.
I have after all this time come to terms with my friend's fertility and DH and I treasure the fact that our friends want and embrace us as a real part of their extended families. We suddenly realised last year that we have an awesome opportunity to be part of their childrens lives and to help them parent in those difficult early years and that if we didn't take the opportunity we would regret it later on. Fertility is something to celebrate IMO (after much soul searching!) and not something I want any of them to have to experience. Ultimately my happiness is my responsibility and my friends just want me to be happy.
Wow, I found that ramble very carthartic to share.
Possom, I think this IVF journey of 5 years is like a little filter to retain the true friendship and to filter out the fair-weather ones IYKWIM. So to that, I am kind of grateful.
Most of my friends had their babies already in the last few years. Luckily I don't have any friends who is TTC or pregnant, it is hard in that case I know. And I can so relate to the feeling 'left behind' . It was hard at first but I am now very much used to the fact and loving to be part of their lives. I know this might sound funny but it is nice to babysit from time to time for my GFs and see a little toddler's face light up when I am driving in. I was so surprised that he can regcognize my car and then I was greeted by 'where is my presents?' I just have to laugh.
For some friends who are a bit intrusive/insensitive I think, I have left them behind and I never regret it. I do belive friendship should mature as you go through the life stages, if it doesn't, it shouldn't become your baggage.
On family front, my parents knew all along but they never voluntarily ask unless I tell them. Recently, due to some family event, we have also told DH's family and DH issued strict instruction not to ask anything. So far, this works too well to the point I wish they can just ask a little, ie. how are you feeling? but I guess they are too frighten about their son/grandson being annoyed, so noone dare to say a word....
Thanks, Dusty and Cuddlepie I appreciate your wisdom and hearing what you have learned over the years. I feel like I have a long way to go, until I am handling all this with more grace overall and your insights help give me fresh perspectives on the way I can view friends, with all the good and the bad that comes with them
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