Sooooo, TTC #2 after the IVF/ICSI rollercoaster for #1

[MummyNaomi]

DH and I are on the verge of starting the journey of TTC#2, and inevitably we will likely use ICSI later in the year once we have enough $$.

However in the meantime we are hoping for a miracle as although our chances of conceiving naturally aren't zero, there is faint hope (DH has severe issues with sperm motility and morphology).

Although I'm good to go, feeling positive and excited, a few things are playing in my mind....

a. We got pregnant first cycle last time after having only ONE successfully fertilized embryo - extremely lucky!! However I fear that based on that my expectations will be too high and fear how I will go if things take number of cycles.

b. The cost - with the changes to medicare a while back the cost has risen SIGNIFICANTLY compared to what we paid when we cycled back in 2008. Now that we have DS our disposable income has significantly dropped, so we wouldn't be able to afford more than a couple of cycles at best.

c. I feel like I have a different attitude this time, so far I don't feel so desperate as I did last time when I didn't even know if I would ever be a Mum. Now I am and I feel that if it doesn't work, although I'll be shattered, I can make peace with it. But I remember how all consuming TTC was last time - I don't want it to impact DS in anyway.

Anyway, I guess I am looking for others who have conceived using AC and then gone down the path of TTC#2 to share their experience - How'd you cope, what were the challenges? Was it harder, easier? Were your expectations different?

TIA,
Naomi

ETA - For those that know DH or myself IRL or on FB, NOT A WORD!! We are keeping our impending new journey on the low down as last time regretted telling our nearest and dearest!!

[meg79]

Hi Naomi

I was in this position just 6 months ago. Although for us chance of concieving naturally are zero and for our first bub it took 9 ICSI cycles (7 fresh). It was a big decision to start trying again. We had originally planned to return to the IVF clinic when our son was 6 months, but we were loving parenthood and put it off. Eventually we decided to go back last Sept when he was 2 1/2.

It was all different. Firstly as you say the cost was massively increased with less medicare rebate. And I was only working 2 days a week so we knew we would only get 1 or 2 goes at it money wise, and ended up borrowing from my parents. That did increase the stress level but it was different from the normal IVF stress.

I found going in to the cycle that i was far more relaxed ( both with the procedure and the outcome) your no longer struggling to be a mummy, you are one. So its much easier to accept whatever may come. I like you did not want it to affect my child negatively so i think it changes how you react - when it does not revolve around you.

I think it will be hard for you after being so lucky the first time not to expect something no matter how much you tell yourself the true odds etc. Its hard to change expectations. I went in to my first cycle thinking this could take another 3 or 4 years of IVF so lets just get the first cycle out of the way. Well this time im the lucky one and am 20 weeks pregnant with twins. I think your body reacts better to the cycle when youve been pregnant before, and it is far less stressful trying for a second child so i think that too was a major factor in the success.

I know other women who have been successful first try IVF for both 1st and 2nd children, I wish you this same luck.[/url]

Goodluck with the journey xx

[onthefly]

I didn't get my cycles back till DS was 16.5 months. We had decided already that we'd try naturally for a while, then go back to IVF, so I night weaned at 14 months to bring on af and we did that. Of course we didn't conceive naturally, so went to our first FET when DS was 23 months.

I knew I didn't want to wean early to TTC again, nor did I want a close age gap. We were also lucky that DS was conceived on our first transfer and we had 6 embryos in the freezer. DD was also conceived on the first transfer.
I think having one baby 'in the bank' as it were, as well as backup embryos on ice did take the pressure off a bit. Yes, the cost had definitely gone up heaps, but physically doing the FET was easier for me. Of course, it's always easier if you only have to do one cycle - it would be different it we'd had to go back again and again.

I guess we'll do much the same next time round - we have 2 embryos left and might be so lucky again.

Good luck!!

[MummyNaomi]

Thanks girls - seems the things on my mind are pretty normal I appreciate you both sharing your experiences xx

[Kaybee]

Hi,

Just thought I'd share my stuff quickly. I was in a similar boat to you, I think. I fell pg with DS in 2008 from our first ever ivf cycle. So, I thought, no, I almost expected, that TTC #2 would be a breeze. We had heaps of frozen embies, so when the first one, then 2 didn't work I wasn't too disheartened (well that's in hindsight, but at the time it wasn't much fun). But it ended up taking forever and we had to go through a couple of miscarriages. Anyway, I think the reason I am telling you, isn't to get you down - it was just how my attitude changed. When we started out I thought "no pressure, I'm already a mum" etc etc, but as time went on and it looked like DS was never going to have a sibling, I was never going to feel a baby move inside me again, or breastfeed, or bla bla bla, I wanted it as desperately as the first - only this time I wasn't just sad for me, I was sad for DS too and for what he might miss out on.

I completely understand the money issues, and also had to borrow from family, but like with the first time round, you find the money if you need it and, as you know, it is worth every single cent and more.

I think I started out with a point here, but I've lost it now. Having a little one to look after definitely helps keep things in perspective - it is hard to stay in a crumpled heap when you have a little hand tapping you on the shoulder and pulling you to come and play.
Good luck!!

[Coral73]

MummyNaomi - Great idea for a thread! I too am almost at the point where we are starting to consider #2 after our 3rd successful ET.

We are going to try naturally as well (DH also has severe issues with sperm motility and morphology) with a very small chance of success. I think our FS gave us a 0.05% chance per cycle of naturally falling pregnant!

I am also a little apprehensive about how I am going to react this time.... I have 5 snowbubs on ice (same batch as DS) and am trying to tell myself that we might not have success from this batch this time round, although, if I am being truthful....deep down I am secretly thinking we won't need to do another stim (I should know better than this though, as experience has taught me that with IVF you should always expect the worst so you can be plesantly surprised when things actually go your way! ).

I think I will be shattered if we have to go to another stim due to the financial, emotional and physical stresses of IVF. I am scared that I will never be pregnant again or be able to give DS a sibling. I feel bad even writing that because I know how LUCKY we are to even have DS at all .

I am hoping that this last point will give me more strength this time round whatever the outcome...

PS: We have also decided not tell anyone this time round (except for immediate family) to help ease the pressure

[Joy08]

Hi

We too have embarked on the rollercoaster journey of trying to have another baby. Our DS is 21 months and is the love of our lives... we feel very blessed to have him. We did an IVF cycle back in 2008. We had a fresh transfer which was a bfn and DS was the result of the first FET. We had 2 embies in the freezer and we just went through and did a FET... we got the result on Wednesday and it was a bfn. We dont have any left in the freezer now as the other embie didn't survive the thaw. I had pretty high expectations that this FET would work (as it did the first time) so when we got told we weren't pregnant I was pretty devasted! I thought I was a lot more relaxed this time around as we already have a child so the sense of urgency wasn't as great. I was also doing acupuncture and taking herbs so I thought this would also contribute to a positive result. I am feeling a lot better about it all now and am gearing up to do another IVF cycle.

The cost has gone up a lot since we did the first cycle 2 years ago! We too will have to borrow money from family.

Coral73 - I too am scared that I may never be pregnant again or be able to give DS a sibling. It's also hard as everyone in my mothers group has just had their second babies and I find myself wishing that was me!

Best of luck with the journey everyone!

[Coral73]

Hi Joy,

I’m really sorry to hear about your BFN I can’t imagine that that phone call would be any easier to receive regardless of already having been blessed with a little one (that is my biggest fear…. feeling that horrible disappointment again and wondering what ‘if’ all the time – !!)

It definitely is a scary thought that we have had our one and only little miracle already (I know we are still more fortunate than some and don’t want to sound ungrateful when I say that) ….

I can feel your pain.... all of my friends were having their 2nd when I was pregnant with my 1st as it took us that much longer to realise our dream....

Sending you lots and lots of and 'ing that we are both lucky enough to be granted one more little miracle!

PS – Contact me anytime if you need to vent


GOOD LUCK to everyone else - may we all realise our dreams (no matter how may little miracles that may be!)

[jayejaye]

Hey girls. All your stories are similar to ours. We conceived DS after 2 stim cycles and 2 FET's with the last FET being successful. He is now exactly one year old and the light of our lives. Due to our age, we started trying again in Feb when DS was 8 months. It meant having to wean him, which was emotional for me, but i decided that i wanted him to have a sibling, and therefore had to make that choice. Our first stim cycle failed, as did the next FET. We were pretty sad, but determined to forge on. The thing that got me the most was i kept thinking to myself "DS will never be this age again, and i am focusing on IVF when i really want to focus on him". It ****ed me off that i felt like i was being forced to be distracted from him. Anyway, we booked for the next stim, and low and behold had a natural miracle!! Still cant believe it, and keep telling DS over and over he is going to be the best big brother ever, even thoug he doesnt understand a word!!

So in short, i found no.2 as stressful as no.1, but for differrent reasons. In the end, i think you just have to focus on the end goal, and know it will all be worth it in the end!!

Good luck girls, i hope things work out for you all.

[MummyNaomi]

Well, we have an appt with our FS on July 6th to get the ball rolling for baby #2, not too far away now. No luck trying naturally for us so far, and my cycle is a bit different too which I want to talk to the FS about. I used to be a 28 day cycle girl month in month out, but now it seems I am anywhere between 21-25 days so not sure whats going on there. Anyway, we will hopefully get a cycle or two in before christmas. Currently I am excited, but nervous too

[Joy08]

Coral - Geez it's taken me a while to get back on here! Thank you so much for your reply and your kind words. Where are you at with your FET? I have an FS appt in a few weeks to organise to start the next IVF cycle.. so should be starting injections again in about 3 weeks! Maybe we will be starting around the same time?


JayeJaye - Thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on the BFP! You must be so excited! I think your right you need to focus on the end goal.. It's just hard at times to not get caught up in it all!

MummyNaomi - Best of luck with your FS appt! Looks like you & I will be starting at the same time! Are you doing an IVF cycle or FET? I am looking forward to getting the ball rolling for bubs #2!

[MummyNaomi]

MummyNaomi - Best of luck with your FS appt! Looks like you & I will be starting at the same time! Are you doing an IVF cycle or FET? I am looking forward to getting the ball rolling for bubs #2!

Joy08 - FET, we have no frosties so starting from scratch

[Baby Dreamtime]

Good luck tomorrow for your appointment Naomi. And love your 365 project xx

[Coral73]

jayejaye - It's so nice to hear when one of us LTTTC'ers achieves a natural pregnancy... Congratulations again!!! Thank you for your insight on your experience with trying to fall with #2... It always helps to read other people's stories :hugs:

MummyNaomi - Good Luck for your appointment today . I hope you can jump straight in and get started and that your FS can shed some light on your shorter cycle length.

Let us know how you go today..

Joy08 - No worries hun... Oh, the count down is on for you - yay ! Not long before you will be jabbing away, ha, ha! I find it so funny that we get so excited and look forward to giving ourselves needles . All part of AC I guess!


AFM - Hope I don't bore anyone here but here is my experience so far at returning to AC for #2...

Ok, It has been weird (I don't know how I feel really)... and I don't know exactly why? All I can come up with is that it is weird because it is a totally different experience than trying for #1.

Different Because

I am really distracted with life at the moment - DS has been ill (he is getting better now), someone ran up the back of my car, it's DS 1st b'day this weekend & DS has now been confirmed to have an allergy to both dairy and soy so he has been placed on a restricted diet which barely leaves him with anything to eat!. With #1 my whole entire life (and I mean whole entire life!) was focused on AC. I feel kind of distanced from it this time round which I guess is a good and bad thing? Good for not stressing so much over it but bad because I feel guilty for not focusing on it more (which makes me feel like we won't be successful as I feel like I am not trying as hard this time... hope that makes sense?)

The type of pressure to succeed is different - with #1 my entire focus was to get a baby, no matter how many tries it took us. I was not going to stop until I was successful! This time round for #2, although I really, really want another bub (and a sibling for DS), I know that DH and I will put a limit on the number of times we will try. Money is an object for us this time round, whereas with #1 I would have sold my house! So the pressure is more money focused I think???

Starting with an FET - Starting with a natural FET is also weird as it is not a very involved process... all I have had is BT's and then the transfer. No big lead up jabbing away and no EPU - kinda feels like we aren't doing AC for some reason. I think I read N2L describe it as when she is doing a natural cycle (no AC) it feels like she is not TTC. I feel the same with this I guess. I know it sounds a bit weird and I would 100% prefer to start with FET's than a stim but there just wasn't the same lead up as there was when started with AC trying for #1.

Knowing what is feels like to be pregnant - I have just started the 2ww (2dp5dt) and I already feel like it hasn't worked as with DS I without a doubt, felt him implant. I guess I have that expectation now and because I haven't felt anything I feel like this hasn't worked already . I suppose it’s a bad thing but now I know I am going to compare symptoms with when I fell pregnant with DS which was a totally different anxiety of not knowing what it felt like to be pregnant.

Being wiser about the whole experience - just knowing that in this game anything goes. We ended up finishing with the mentality that expect the worst and be nicely surprised when things go your way! I guess it is a protection mechanism that we are approaching trying for #2 with... with #1, at first... we were all hyped and positive and expected to just get pregnant straight away!

Girl or Boy? - I think also that I really want a girl as I have a DS already. I know that we will only have 2 children (if we are lucky enough to be blessed with a #2) as I can't afford another, so if we get a boy that will be it. I will totally love DS #2 (if that is the way things go) just as much and I know that DS #1 would be so, so happy to have a baby brother. I guess now that we are trying I am anxious that if I do get pregnant, and it is a DS, it officially means that I will not get my DD. Before starting to try for #2 I could always say to myself you still have another chance to get your DD.... I know that sounds silly... but it is how I feel.

Anyway - enough rambling, ha, ha! I'm sure some of you have fallen asleep by now so wakey, wakey!!!

Sending lots and lots of and to us all.

[MummyNaomi]

Girl or Boy? - I think also that I really want a girl as I have a DS already. I know that we will only have 2 children (if we are lucky enough to be blessed with a #2) as I can't afford another, so if we get a boy that will be it. I will totally love DS #2 (if that is the way things go) just as much and I know that DS #1 would be so, so happy to have a baby brother. I guess now that we are trying I am anxious that if I do get pregnant, and it is a DS, it officially means that I will not get my DD. Before starting to try for #2 I could always say to myself you still have another chance to get your DD.... I know that sounds silly... but it is how I feel.

Coral - its not silly at all, I feel exactly the same. I have a DS and would dearly love a DD next time, but I think being 'fertility challenged' makes you less fussy too, I'll take what I can get hehehee, but if I do have another DS although I'll be delighted, I will always have a want for a DD. We are only having two also, so our next baby (should we get lucky) will complete our family

We'll we had our appt today - I'm off for the ovarian reserve test once my AF arrives, and DH will have a sperm analysis again (same as last time) but 3 years on we need to see where we are at, and then we have a follow up appt early August to discuss that and I guess book on for a Fresh cycle if we are ready!

[Coral73]

Hey Ladies,

Just a quick update from me.... as you can tell from my signature we had a chemical pregnancy for out 1st go back at trying for #2 .

I'm actually quite surprised at how well I handled the outcome (if you minus the crazy POAS'ing 3 days prior to BT !) considering my extreme reactions when trying for #1.

I know being able to give cuddles to my gorgeous DS made the bad news alot easier to bare.... I am so, so grateful to have him and being back on this rollercoaster reminds me of how extremely blessed and lucky we are .

[MummyNaomi]

Coral - Big Hugs to you. I am certain that cuddling your gorgeous DS helped, I'm sorry for your loss and good luck on the next attempt babe

[Baby Dreamtime]

Hi Naomi, Coral, Joy and anyone else who is following along. I thought I would jump in I am CD 1 today for a FET with our last remaining emby. I know the mods like to keep cycle discussions to the sticky threads but I am feeling a little lost and it is almost difficult to fit in in ltttc thread as most are trying for #1. I feel almost greedy for talking cycles when I already have my girls. And I know you will understand. I have had a bit of a rough trot this year. As you can see from my signature my Feb FET was a success but found out at 8 weeks it was a blighted ovum. After a D&C I fell pregnant naturally for the first time ever in my life. Can you imagine my excitement. Especially after having such a long history to get my first BFP. But I started bleeding at 6.5 weeks and to say I was gutted was an understatement and 2 mc in a row has been almost too much to bear. But I am getting back into it as I can't do any thing but and have already decided if this is not successful we go straight into a stim cycle. The wait is killing me already and especially as I O around day 20 so that is 25 days until transfer.

Naomi I hope you get the all clear with your test results and Aug comes soon for you.
Coral so sorry to read about your chemical pregnancy. It is just not fair. I am assuming you are doing another fey this month I hope this one will be the sticky one.
Joy good luck for your coming stim cycle I look forward to hearing how you go.

Best wishes to everyone else xx