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Thread: Tis the season...

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Western Sydney
    Posts
    1,109

    Default Tis the season...

    Hi everyone!!

    My nickname is Gargy - this is my first post.

    My husband and I found out 5 years ago that we both have fertility issues. I have PCOS and my husband is not producing sperm.



    We ran away from the issue for about 5 years, then we decided to try to have a child via GIFT this year. We have used IUI twice earlier this year to no avail.

    My question is - how are people coping with Christmas? We've found that we've hit a wall this year - mainly because we are in stasis for 6 months (changing donors).

    We have tried telling my husband's family via email that we don't want to attend as many Christmas functions as they want us to, and they have reacted quite badly. I am unsure how my family is going to cope when I ask not to celebrate Christmas on the 25th.

    Any thoughts about this would be most welcome.

    Regards

    Gargy

  2. #2
    Kat Guest

    Default

    Hi Gargy

    I know what you mean.... There have been 4 babies born in my family in the past 3 months.. As much as I love Christmas, I feel a little like I am spending the day doing what others want me to do.. I'm actually going away with DB on the 14th Dec and not returning till 7 Jan.. I just want to be away for Chrissie/New Year.. and by doing that no one is too offended, as I'm not around to attend any of their parties ! I feel bad, as I will miss my niece (3 months) first Christmas, but she wont remember it ! Mum was a bit upset about me going away.. but she will be fine..
    Have you considered going away for a week or so at Christmas? There are some places that dont allow kids under 16, so you wont be stuck by the pool and surrounded by kids !
    Anyway, its just a suggestion.. and also a nice time to spend with your DH to relax...
    HTH

    Kat

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    In The Land Of Wonderful...
    Posts
    1,751

    Default

    Hi Gargy,

    I know what you mean about Christmas -
    We have just finished our 4th sull stim cycle (2nd for this year), and AF arrived Saturday night.
    We are going to my inlaws for Christmas this year, where they have family coming from everywhere - there will be 11 women there, 8 of them pregnant and all due between April and June.
    The only 3 ladies who aren't expecting are my mother in law, my sister in law (who has just had a baby he's 4 months old) and me.
    How depressing
    I, too have thought about not going, but I have decided to for a few reasons;
    I have come to know that the worst thing about infertility is that when you are down everyone tries to tippy toe around you and avoid talking about anything baby related in order to try and make you feel better - and this is what makes me feel the worst, because then you start to really feel like there IS something wrong with you.
    If we don't go, the whole family will treat me like this from now on, which is just too hard to cope with.
    I find its easier to just go, and everyone thinks you're fine, and then treats you that way.
    If it gets too much, I can always jump in the car and find a place to have some quiet time!
    The other reason is because its my family, and they would just be devastated if we weren't there - and I love them all too much to do that to them (and to DH)

    Please don't think I'm giving you any advice - I only know what works for me, and I know that sometimes its just too hard.
    The last time we got a BFN after our last cycle was the day I had to go to my sister in laws baby shower (for the baby that is now 4 months old)
    Sometimes it is just too much, so do what ever gets you through.
    Sending you all of the strength to make your decision

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Melb, Vic
    Posts
    1,212

    Default

    Gargy

    The holidays can be such a happy but heartbreaking time for us all. Do what you feel is the right thing for you, if you think that being at all these functions is not going to be good for you emotionally, then you shouldnt go. And dont worry whether people get upset, it is your decision whether you go and they will just have to get over it if you dont attend. And some people will understand that this is not a particularly happy time for you and perhaps you should even explain this to your IL's. Look after your self and take care of your heart.

    I hope ALL of you ladies have a very special xmas present this year

    Lisa

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Perth, WA
    Posts
    1,240

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    Hey Gargy

    Welcome!

    Yeah...I know exactly what you mean!

    One thing I found that really helped was a website that some of the BB girls put me onto. If you google, "vocalicious empty arms", you'll come across this most amazing 'presentation' (can't think of a better name for it), that truly describes the pain of LT TTC. I played it to my family as I thought it explained things better than I could...and they found it incredibly helpful.

    Wishing you all the very best.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,223

    Default

    Hi Gargy

    I can totally understand what you mean regarding the issues with Christmas etc. You need to do whatever feels best for you and dh. People will just have to accept your decision.
    I'm not even puting up my tree or decorations this year as it is just way too hard. Last year dh and I were planning how great it would be this year when we would have a little bub to celebrate with but as you can see in my signature we lost that little precious 2 days before christmas. We are spending Christmas away with the in laws and my brother and his family and I know I'm going to have a difficult time with it all. We had a family gathering on Sunday with my family for christmas and I was ok for a few hours and then I started thinking about what should have been and had to leave straight away.

    Good luck to you with your decision sweet and I hope you get a bfp soon.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Perth, WA
    Posts
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    Oh Mako...I'm so sorry. I never realised that you lost your little one so close to Christmas.

    I can only imagine that Christmas would be an incredibly tough time for yourself and DH.

    Wishing you only good and wonderful things, chickie.

  8. #8

    Default

    Hi Gargy,

    Christmas I think is the worst time for anybody who is TTC. DH and I last year had wished for a miracle this Christmas - to no avail. People who haven't had issues with TTC will find it harder to understand as you have no doubt experienced in the past.

    I hope you have a wonderful xmas and all the best

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Western Sydney
    Posts
    1,109

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    Thanks everyone - it's really good to know that we're not alone.

    DH and I saw an IVF counsellor today and it put a lot of things into perspective.

    Apparently the first email we sent sounded like we were resigning from DH's family.

    DH has sent another, more empathetic email and linked to the ACCESS site explaining to his family how we're feeling. He's also going to talk to his family again.

    It's weird because this is the first time I've reacted this badly to the seasonal gathering. I've been living with infertility for a while but this year it really hurts.

    As to what we'll do - we will attend DH's family gatherings - but only in short bursts. And I'll ask Mum if we can move my family's to the 24th (I don't know why a day makes a difference - but we did this last year - one of my brothers couldn't make it - it felt better for us). Then we are going on holidays to get over the whole thing.

    Mako - I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your baby so close to Christmas. I will be thinking of you.

    Hollybolly - at least all our nieces and nephews are one or older. I think it would be much harder if someone in the family was pregnant. Again, sending happy thoughts to you.

    Thanks everyone so much - your thoughts really helped.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,223

    Default

    Thanks Monnie and Gargy.

    LisaC, Good luck with your appointment in January. We are also going to look at IUI in January if we are not pregnant by then.

  11. #11

    Default

    Mako - I am also so sorry to hear about your loss. Good luck with your IUI as well in January. that it works for both of us.

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