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Thread: What drives you crazy about TTC?

  1. #19

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    I'd love to add my support to SuzyQ that donor conception is a really tricky area to deal with. People just look at you blankly when you try to explain what is happening. And it is even harder to talk to men about it than women - I only talked to one male friend about it at work and he changed the subject so quickly it left my head spinning. I only talked to him because he asked specific questions. So any help in that area would be great.


  2. #20

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    David I was going to request the same as Ryn I really would like to know how to help my good friend who is going through IVF, rather than feeling like I'm always saying the wrong thing. Possibly there's nothing I can do to help her, but that makes me feel like such a useless friend IYKWIM?

    Having suffered a miscarriage I am aware of the incredibly stupid things people say to try and make you feel better. I know that they want to be comforting and help, and really don't know the right thing to say, but it doesn't make it any easier to take. Unless a person has been there done that they really haven't a clue how you're feeling or what you're going through. So I know that I have NO idea what my friend is going through with TTC with IVF, over and extended period of time. And as a result I really don't know if she would just prefer me to shut up, or if she just doesn't pay attention to what I say I feel like being pg makes it all the more tricky IYKWIM.

    So I will read your articles with great interest in the hope that I can be a more understanding and better friend, and hopefully gain some tips on how to do that.

    ETA My apologies, I thought I had removed my sig from this post, just realised I hadn't. It's done now, hope I didn't upset anyone, it was a mistake, I'm so sorry.
    Last edited by Janie; February 1st, 2007 at 04:12 PM. Reason: Removing sig.

  3. #21
    2ndtimeround Guest

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    Hi David,
    Iam 40 and tired of hearing about all the failures for couples my age. I recently miscarried and my doctor was great saying at least they know I can get pregnant but my m/c rate was 50/50 so it's a matter of time. It gave me hope (very small but hope none the less), yet statistics and stories keep telling me I will fail. I know there are 100's of success stories for women over 40 (I know two women who were successful over 40) out there and would love to hear articles that give me hope rather than take it away. I don't want to keep hearing the odds are against me I know that, I want to hear it can be done and heres how to up your chances or 10 ways that worked for others and may work for you. I have heard Accupuncture works for some and meditation and yoga for others, diet changes. There are no guarantees no matter how old you are, it would be nice to know I am not just an age group.

    Thanks
    Tracey

  4. #22

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    Hi David,

    I have been TTC for nearly 5 years now, and the people i'm mostly having trouble with, is my parents, well more particularly, my mother. She try's to tell me that she is only giving me 'advice' by telling me to 'relax and it will happen' and 'don't think about it' etc etc etc....i just find it so hard coming from someone who has had absolutely no troubles what so-ever TTC.

    I have just found this thread about 3/4 of an hour ago, have checked out your website and have ordered your book, so i can't wait for it to arrive and get stuck into reading it. I would love to give it to my mother to read also, but knowing her, she'll just tell me to 'stop reading everything and just get it all out of your mind and it will happen'...yeah right mum!!!

    Thank you...

  5. #23
    notmother? Guest

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    I'm really interested in reading your book, David.

    I have problems with the following things:-

    -sadness/utter dispair when each cycle fails, natural and IVF, and the loss each month of the dream
    -sadness over past abortions and not being able to conceive now
    -thinking about a baby/conceiving every day, always part of my life now
    -DH not accepting he has a sperm issue (motility, 30%, morphology 88%)
    - MIL stating it took 3 years to conceive DH, but forgetting that when she puts our troubles down to my age (38), not hereditary sperm problems. (obviously both issues are affecting us)
    - DH deciding we are not meant to have kids ( but he really wanted them, when we first met, that was what he asked me)
    - DH has lost interest in BD around the time we have to do it, he tries but it goes away
    -worrying about being able to have a family (ie more than one child)
    - fantasies of going out and getting pregnant to someone else (bad I know, but true)
    -not coping at all with pregnancy announcements
    -cutting myself off from my friend with children, as I can't handle questions and their happiness.
    - becoming a hermit to avoid discussing, "what about kids"
    - not having anything in common with other IVF patient friends as they all (5 couples) succeeded on the first cycle

    I'm sure you cover most of these issues in your book.

    Sam

  6. #24

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    Jan 2007
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    Hi David,
    I read the article in BB the other day "putting on a brave face" and I loved it. I had a bit of a cry over the computer and had real relief that I am having normal reactions and emotions after all!
    I'd love help with DH. His issues, and getting him to talk more. He also doesn't understand I need to be sad sometimes and doent want me to "upset myself". I think he feels helpless in regards to my emotions.
    The other big thing for us is telling people about us TTC. We told very few people for many years (I only discussed it with my best friend after 9 years TTC) and we still havent talked with MIL and FIL although they would be aware because of DH past.
    Another thing I have a problem with is dealing with pregnant friends/rellies and those with new babies ie:How to make it easier on myself.
    Looking forward to reading more!

  7. #25
    Sammi Jane Guest

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    Just wanted to say thank you to Notmother? - you've put down so much that I think but can't seem to articulate.

    I find it's hard to stay positive when you have all these negative emotions running through you contstantly - sadness, anger.
    I don't want to talk to anyone because I really don't think they can understand how you feel so I shut myself off from everyone. No-one seems to be able to say 'oh that's terrible, you poor thing' - which I'm sure is what a lot of people are thinking!!
    People think IVF is the answer to it all, they don't understand how hard it is to accept that you need IVF and also, that it doesn't always work! Sure it's great that it's there, but it doesn't stop you feeling like less of a woman for needing it.

    I have ordered your book and I'm looking forward to reading it. I hope it will help me with some of my issues.

  8. #26

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    Nov 2005
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    David, thank you so much. I have just received my copy in the mail this arvo, and have read up until the end of the first 'toolbox'. So far, it is just amazing. It's like i'm looking into my hubby's mind and seeing what he is feeling. No doubt i'll have it finished withing the next few days, and then i'll pass it on to DH, and hope that he gets as much out of it as i have already. He's not much of a reader, so i won't force it upon him. I'll just let him know it's there, and let him make the decision as to whether he reads it or not...thanks again, and woo hoo on the speedy post...xxx

  9. #27
    David_R Guest

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    Shan - thanks for buying the book. I'm glad it's proving to be useful for you.

    I've actually been amazed at the numbers of women who've bought the book so they can understand their partner and work out how to involve him in the experience or start talking about issues.

    And thanks to everyone for your feedback. I'll be writing another article in a few weeks' time and you've given me quite a few ideas. It seems trying to deal with other people dealing with what you're going through is a big issue, along with a few other things.

  10. #28

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    David, the simple fact that your book helped me gain an insight into how my husband feels about this made it absolutely invaluable! Also, the fact that it also explains for him how I'm feeling... and the fact that reading that passage helped me put all my emotions and feelings into words, rather than the jumbled up mess that I was completely unable to express... I'm a big fan! And I've been recommending your book to practically everyone.

    BW

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