Joeve being numb and no longer caring is a survival mechanism, its to stop you hurting anymore on the awful TTC journey I dont have the answers, wish I did. Taking a break can seem like the hardest thing in the world but sometimes you need that time to talk with someone and try to sort a few things out and come back stronger and ready to take on the world. I am sincerley sorry you are having to endure such a horrible journey and I do hope your forever baby isnt far

ETA: Sorry we must have posted at the same time