Joeve, it's so freaking hard sometimes. I don't think anyone really knows what it's like unless you've been there.

Why do I keep going? Because I have to. Giving up is not an option for me. It scares me to even contemplate giving up. Part of me is motivated by my age - time is running out fast for me. But more than anything I want to have a child with my DP. I want to give him a child.
My DP is the best. He is an amazing father to my DD. He does more with her and for her than most biological fathers that I know (especially her own). After seven years, they have such an amazing bond. He really has changed our lives. I love him more than I can say. He has no biological children of his own and I want to give him this gift because it is something that he - that we - want so much. Partly as a kind of a 'thank you' (iykwim) but partly because we have such a good life and I want to share that life with another child. I know I already have so much, am so blessed, but (perhaps greedily) I really, really want another child.