Emotions after miscarriage

[Lilly-Pilly]

Hey there, just wanted to know, apart from the obvious sadness and pain after a miscarriage, is it normal to feel anxious about normal things that usually wouldn't bother you, or to feel freaked out about every day things??
Apart from crying at the drop of a hat and half the time crying and not even knowing why, I'm feeling really 'weird' about going to work, even though I'd rather be at work than at home on my own.
I feel really delicate and precious about simple little things and i'm not used to feeling like this and don't know how to deal with it.

[STARRYSKY]

hi dee,
sounds perfectly normal to me.
The first day i had to spend by myself was a really bad one for me, that was 3 days after my d&c, my dp HAD to go back to work and i am not working atm, anyway i am usually not a skittish person but that day i went outside to hang up washing and it was a windy day, i was petrified! i was convinced there were spiders on everything and the wind was freaking me out, i ended up dropping the basket and running inside, where i ended up crying my heart out for about an hour.
Every time i went out (shopping etc) i felt like everyone was looking at me because they knew i had a mc, sounds so silly now but i was almost convinced at the time.
I actually found it easier to pretend evrything was okay when i was around other people which would even then make me forget that i was sad for a little while anyway.
hope this in some small way helps.
xxx

[*las*]

Yes!

I definately feel heightened emotions over the most trivial things after a loss.

I know for me it's all part of the grieving process, and maybe it is for you too??? I found the best thing is to try not to fight it, just let it run it's course and slowly each day it will feel better.

[MistyFying]

Dee it does sound normal to me. I think when we suffer trauma like this, it leaves our emotions very close to the surface. And things that normally wouldn't phase us, don't bounce off us but stick into us like little slivers of glass. Emotions take time to heal too, not just our physical selves.

[ElleJay]

Dee - I was diagnosed with depression before I got together with my DF.. Anyways, when I m/c'ed all the feelings of depression (and then some) came flooding back. Hurt, Anger, Mad, ****ed off with the world, hatred for the world - all very common things to feel.. I'm not saying I'm still not over it (2months later) but I feel I'm getting better... I'm so so sorry for your loss

[Lilly-Pilly]

Thanks for the replies. I expected the sadness and all, i was devestated when my sis had a miscarriage a few years back, so that was a familiar feeling, but the anxiousness and the nervous feeling and the dread of being on my own and things like that isn't something I was expecting. I hate feeling like this

[CeCe]

Dee,

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

After my m/c I had a few days at home to get over the m/c and d&c. I had a lot of trouble returning to work and although I knew the people at work who matter to me were really supportive, I still had a fear of going and being made to feel a failure (even though I logically knew there was nothing I could have done to prevent it). I spent two days at work and then a few more at home as I just wasn't ready to be back and 'acting normal' and would cry at nothing.

I hope you feel better soon.

[satya]

All sorts of weird things can be experienced after a loss. Since my 2nd loss I have experienced some paranoia and it's got worse since the third one. I feel it is directly related to the m/c's and it's now affecting my relationship in a very bad way. I think I will be seeking assistance with this.

[Lilly-Pilly]

Satya, I find i'm questioning little insignificant thing, yes, including my relationship no matter how great DP has been, even when I haven't been so good to him in the past few days.

I hadn't told work yet, I was 11 weeks and was waiting for 12 weeks. My boss' wife had a baby last week so he wasn't around to talk to anyway. Now that all this has happened i'd rather not tell them at all. I was away on Friday but no one really questioned it too much.

And no matter how many people tell me its normal, I still feel crazy

[munchy]

Hi Dee

i just wanted to say i can relate so much i lost my daughter on the 16th of july 2006 at 23wks and since then i am a nervous wreck i would go to bed and sit awake thinking someone was gonna break into my house and hurt me and my family or i would hear a plane fly over the house and keep thinking it was gonna crach into my house i would make my hubby get up in the night to check the house to make sure no one was there and to check that the doors were def locked after a yr i got so fed up of feeling on edge all the time and constantly worrying about everything i would worry if my mum was to take my son out i would think what if he gets hurt or what if she looses him so i finally went to docs and he said he thought i should see a consellor and i muct say it has helped alot i used to get the fears everyday and now its more like once a fortnight or when i am on my period which i think is a hormone thing. but i just wanted to say it is normal i was told that when something really upsetting or trumatic happens your worst fears can come out like i have probably always feared someone breaking in my house but not to the extent that made me belive there were people actually in my house hope that makes sence take care of yourself hope i helped a little.

Munchy xxx

[Michelle71]

Dee - you are perfectly normal. I didn't feel it so acutely with my miscarriages (they were very early ones) but I felt the anxiety acutely after the birth of Caitlyn. I was anxious about people's safety. I panicked when my niece and nephew were playing near the door, worried they would get their fingers jammed. I worried about family travelling anywhere. I just worried.

It was the same after Oscar was born so I am not sure if it was the baby after losing a baby or the hormones associated with a later pregnancy loss and, this time, the post partum phase

Rest assured you are perfectly normal

[tempus moriendi]

It's SO normal to feel the way you describe. You've just been through a major life event, and a negative one at that. After mine, I always felt very disconnected, had trouble concentrating on the task at hand, etc. And going back to work was difficult. It really annoyed me that everybody else's lives were rolling on as usual even though my world had come to a screeching halt. And yes, I know that's completely irrational. But who says we have to be rational all the time?

Take good care of yourself, and cyber hugs to you.

[Lilly-Pilly]

I know everyone is different and circumstances are different, but how long do people find until they start to feel 'normal' to some degree again?
I'm still crazy nervy and anxious all the time and i'm starting to think its more than just the miscarriage

[Michelle71]

It was about 6 months or more after Caitlyn was born and then I was anxious during Oscar's pregnancy. Since his birth I was anxious for the first few months but it has eased off again now.

[tempus moriendi]

My first mis, back in 2001, was such a fluke (found out I was pregnant AS I was micarrying--long story...) that I got back to normal emotionally in about two months.
Then when we TTC in 2005, we fell pregnant immediately and 1st trimester miscarriage. Then again in 2006 had another miscarriage--two misses in 7 months really knocked me for a loop. I felt fuzzy and disoriented for MONTHS afterward. In fact, it hadn't totally gone away (although it was improving) when we got pregnant this last time. And now that we've miscarried again, I can feel the disoriented feeling is back again full force.

Things like: going into a room to get something then forgetting what I went looking for. Having trouble concentrating on what people are telling me. Forgetting ingredients for cooking even though the recipe is right in front of my face.

In other words, you're not alone and you'll resolve this on your own timetable. Of course, if these symptoms are causing you a lot of distress, then by all means contact your doctor.