Kirsty,
How sorry I am to read of the loss of your little 'Speckle'. Nothing I can possibly say will make the pain go away but rest assured I am thinking of you. I lost my son Luke due to a cord accident last September. It too was firmly wrapped around his neck. Just a very unfortunate accident. Still, knowing that doesn't nescessarily make it any easier.
My thoughts are with you both and in my mind I am giving you a big hug.
Debbie
Oh Kirsty - I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story with us at such a hard time in your life. Please take care of yourself and know that we are all thinking of you in here...
Not really looking forward to this afternoon we've got a counsellor coming to see us & it always freaks me out a bit being expected to "open" up to a stranger. But with that said I am willing to give it a go especially as DH will be there too, so I'm hoping that maybe this will stop us going downhill & our relationship going off the rails a bit like it did after we lost Alex.
I just want to reinforce to you that I am always here for you. Please know that I am only ever a phone call away - night or day. I wish that I could be with you to help you through this time but unfortunately I can't. I wish that I had some soothing words to ease your pain - but nothing I can say can ever ease the hurt. BUT......I am always willing to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on - whatever you need, whenever you need it.
I'm sorry I've not been in touch the past few days - but I'll be picking up the phone in the next 48 hours ok?
Thanx Mel you are a lifesaver. I'm doing ok emotionally, in fact I feel kinda guilty sometimes coz I don't feel that I am grieving as strongly over speckle as much as I did with Alex. I do know that I still have got time for it to hit me like a ton of bricks as we deal with the PM results & speckle's cremation. But there are almost times when I feel totally at peace with what happened to speckle & can talk & think about him/her without bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. Part of me feels so bad that I seem to be able to do this this time around.
Oh well I guess we just keep putting one foot in front of the other & take each day as it comes for the time being.
Good luck for this afternoon hun, I am thinking of you and remember you don't have to talk to them about it if you don't want to, they are only there to listen if you want to talk. Talk to whoever you feel right talking to, even talking to a close friend (like Mel) can do you the world of good, not all professionals are ideal in every circumstance.
Don't feel guilty about not grieving, not everyone grieves and not everyone grieves immediately. You will deal with this all eventually and in your own way.
You have been in my thoughts a lot lately and I have wondered many times how you are doing. I am glad to hear that you are doing ok emotionally. Please don't feel guilty for feeling this way. Every loss is different and is grieved in a unique way. You need to go with what feels right for you. And if the time comes that it does "hit you like a ton of bricks" we will be here for you.
I hope your session with the counsellor went ok this afternoon and maybe even helped a little.
Well the counsellor was fantastic. Gave us both some great tips about how to deal with all that we are going through ~ especially for DH to try & understand how I am going. As he said because men aren't as emotionally attached to our babies until they are born then it is easy for them to forget that we women may still be having trouble coming to terms with what has happened. He did tell me that I need to stop trying to be so strong for everyone else & let it all out once in a while & that I need to cry & cry & cry over the loss of this precious baby & all the hopes & dreams that we begin to imagine for them the minute we know we are pregnant. So it all made perfect sense for us. We are seeing him again in a fortnite which I think will do us the world of good. We never got joint counselling after we lost Alex, in fact DH never got any counselling & I only went a few times, so we are hoping that this will make the transition time after our loss a bit easier. After Alex we were seriously starting to get into some serious marital trouble so here's hoping we manage to avoid this this time around by reaching out & getting the help that we need.
Oh I am so glad to hear that things went so well. It sounds like it was the best thing to do for the both of you and I don't thinkyour relationship will be effected this time. You and your DH are open to this counselling and your DH is opening up, I think as long as you keep the communication lines open and listen to one another everything will be wonderful
Well I just got a phone call from one of the Dr's at the hospital with some of the preliminary PM results. Speckle was born weighing & measuring gestation age of approx. 14wks, had kidneys & most likely cause of FIUD was due to true knot in cord & cord being around bubs neck.
Now we have to wait for chromosomal testing to find out if there were any abnormalities there & whether we have a son or a daughter.
Kirsty
I am glad your counselling session helped. I recently had my first and it does help you sort through things.
I am sorry about Speckle's cord accident - so tragic but an answer of sorts.But not why these dreadful things happen in first place.
Thankyou for sharing the journey that you and Speckle took together. Having an answer can help in the process. It sounds like you have that and that is such a good thing.
It will be really nice for you to get all your results in and to find if you have a son angel or a daughter angel.
This is a difficult time and none of my words will truly be able to express how deeply I feel for you and your family.
Be kind to yourself and gentle with each other as you go through the process of grieving for your lost baby. Remember to truly feel whatever feelings and thoughts come to you.
Just know how much love you have around you all over the country.
Okay thought I was doing okay but DH has just been inside to say that the phone call we just got was from the funeral directors & that they are going to Melbourne to pick up speckle's remains tonite & we have to go to Warrnambool on Monday to sign a cremation release form.
This is just so unfair I don't want to have to be dealing with this. I just so miss my baby ~ guess this is a hit me like a ton of bricks day today after all.
oh kirsty I am constantly overwhelmed at how strong you are. Everytime I read about what you are going through I can't understand how and why it had to happen to your family. *hugs*
BellyBelly Member
to you.
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